Babylonian Chicken
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Bester:(to the chicken) Why did you have to cross the road? We are your family. We raised you, clothed you. We are your father and mother. Don't force us to do this.... (the chicken squawks in mortal terror)
Bester:The bird has obviously gone rogue.
Capt. Jack Maynard:It lost the lock-on signal from the curb.
Carrion Eater:"That chicken killed in the middle of the road? Tastes just like Narn."
Catherine Sakai:And then it goes like this: I ask you about your duck, and you ask me about my pussy and we end up regretting it all afterwards.
Catherine Sakai:Wow, Jeff... I thought you were into ducks!
Centari Chicken:Actually, it was a duck.
Chicken:Do you know who I am?
Delenn:"Will you follow me into storm, into darkness, into fryer, into death?"
Delenn:Such a deed enriches its soul. There can be no greater honour for an avian.
Delenn:Valen asked the chicken, "Will you follow me into darkness, into fire, into death?" And the chicken said... "Yes."
Delenn:You think you are doing the correct thing. So does the chicken. Which one is right, and how do you prove it? No. The Minbari cannot become involved in this manner...
Dr. Franklin:It obviously didn't know the medical risk involved.
Dr. Franklin:Why did the chicken cross the road?
Garabaldi:Because it was his birthday. (look for the hidden message)
G'Kar:"Weep for the chicken, Na'Toth. Weep for us all."
G'Kar:(puzzled by the question) The Minbari wouldn't do it. The Centauri are too frightened. The Vorlons don't care...
G'Kar:For the first time in my life, my destiny is clear! Either I cross that road with the chicken, or I die in the attempt.
G'Kar:I had done everything! I'd made my sworn statement, I had put my affairs in order, and then suddenly the chicken has the indecency to get run over on its own!
G'Kar:I'm thinking of thinking of crossing the road, right after my afternoon nap.
G'Kar:To take back the road that was unjustly stolen from its people!
General Hague:That's on a need-to-know basis... and you don't.
Grey Council:"That can't be possible!" Delenn: "But it is true -- he [this captured Earth Force pilot] has a Minbari chicken!"
Ivanova:"...and if the chicken ever crosses the road again, Ivanova will personally rip its LUNGS out!"
Ivanova:Don't recall the script, but do the sex scene and replace 'how much money do you make' with 'why did the chicken cross the road'
Ivanova:Five! Four! Three! ... (question-asker departs CinC post haste).
Ivanova:I've got three chicken stories to deal with, all of them bad.
Ivanova:In Russia, chickens cross roads! They do not ask why!
Ivanova:Ivanova is always right. The chicken will listen to
Ivanova:The chicken will not ignore Ivanova's recommendations. Ivanova is God...
Ivanova:No squelch. No squelch today. Squelch tomorrow. There's always a squelch tomorrow.
Ivanova:No, I'm not having sex with a chicken. I'd never be able to pullet off.
Ivanova:Possibly to avoid its first officer, who has been known to stake individuals next to an anthill when they pester her with childhood riddles!
Ivanova:When I tell you to cross the road, you cross the road! Ivanova is GOD!
Ivanova:[to Na'Toth] Why don't you check the chicken's beak while you're at it? Na'Toth: Good idea!
JMS:"We weren't going to discuss Sheridan's chicken until the middle of season three...."
JMS:That would be telling.
Jack the aide:The chicken turned to his friends "Be seeing you"!
Jason Ironheart:To become... flat.
Jason Ironheart:"One chicken in a thousand is hatched near a road. One in every ten thousand of those ever tries to cross it. Half of them are run over by cars."
Jeff Sinclair:"To seek, to strive, to find, to cross the road, and not to yield...."
Jeff Sinclair:I don't care if it had a commandment from God complete with stone tablets... Jaywalking in a spacelane is a serious offence.
Jeff Sinclair:I told you, I don't remember. I blacked out.
Jeff Sinclair:If you ask any two chickens about the future, they'll disagree on everything, except the need to get to the other side; and on that they all agree.
Jeff Sinclair:Not like this! If I'm going to get run over, then I'm taking you chickens with me!
Jeff Sinclair:These are my scouts. I call them 'Chickens'. Please give them any assisstance necessary in helping them to cross the road.
Jeff Sinclair:This chiken was a Ranger with vital information to deliver.
Jeff Sinclair:Watch out for chickens... they cross the road when you're not looking at them.
John Sheridan:"Why did the chicken cross the road? I've been here six months, and it's about damn time I found out!" Kosh: "You are not ready to understand."
John Sheridan:I expect you to take care of these details.
John Sheridan:I'll allow its pedestrian outings as long as it doesn't interfere with the smooth operation of this station.
John Sheridan:That reminds me of a story my father once told me...
John Sheridan:The last time a chicken crossed the road, I blew it straight to hell!
John Sheridan:There is an old Earth proverb: A chicken in the hand is worth two in the bush.
John Sheridan:You tell me. It was YOUR chicken who appeared in my dream three weeks ago! Or was that a pigeon...
Knight Two:Wait! There is voice that says, what if were still crossing?
Knight Two:"Do you really expect us to believe it was to get to the other side? WHAT HAPPENED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD?"
Kosh:"It did."
Kosh:"tweetle* *blatt* *flash* Let them pass.
Kosh:"tweetle* *blatt* *flash* NEVER ask that question!
Kosh:"tweetle* *blatt* *flash* The avalanche has already started. It is too late for the chickens to vote.
Kosh:"tweetle* *blatt* *flash* Yes.
Kosh:*burp glip tweep* "He has always been there."
Kosh:*tweetle* *blatt* *flash* Understanding is a three-edged sword.
Kosh:"Never ask that question."
Kosh:That is not the question you must ask. You must ask yourself why it did not reach the other side...
Kosh:The cars have already started running. It is too late for the chickens to vote.
Kosh:The chicken has always been on the other side of the road.
Kosh:The stinging jewel... curses its mask.
Kosh:They are not for you. Go! Now!
Kosh:To get to the other side.
Kosh:Your chickens have always been here.
Kosh:[Beethoven's Ninth Symphony in B flat, arranged for bagpipes, Jew's harp, whiskey jug, and harpsicord, at breakneck speed] "I listened to the chicken. Your thoughts became the chicken. I met you on the other side of the road." [William Tell Overture, second movement, first eight measures, inverted]
Lennier:I don't know. But understanding is not required. Only obedience.
Lennier:If you cross the road, I will follow.
Lennier:Why should poultry transversing a thouroughfare be humourous?
Londo Mollari:"cluck, cluck? Must be Earth humor."
Londo Mollari:Do you know what the last chicken said as it tried to cross the road? "Squawk...ugh!".
Londo Mollari:I feel like I'm being nibbled to death by chickens!
Londo Mollari:So, the chicken crossed to the other side of the road? Why does there have to be a reason?
Londo Mollari:What were those Earth animals again? Feathers. Earthers raise them for eggs. Go "cluck." Vir: Dogs.
Londo Mollari:Why doesn't the chicken try to cross a divided highway while it's at it? Morden: One road at a time, Ambassador. One road at a time.
Londo Mollari:Why, for a *drink*, of course! Perhaps I should join my *good* and *dear* friend in a celebration of his good fortune...
Lou Welch:Hey, chief! There's some bozo here asking about something about a chicken and a road?
Lyta Alexander:What? Oh, sorry, I wasn't listening. I was dreaming of Bob...
Michael Garibaldi :'Scuse me, just wanted to ask you a quick question. Why did the chicken cross the road? Crook (looks puzzled for a minute.) : I don't know- Michael Garibaldi : Nah, me neither. (Biff, wham, thud...)
Michael Garibaldi:I guess I'll just have to make chickens my FOURTH favorite thing.
Michael Garibaldi:Look, I dunno, but the whole thing just feels wrong.
Michael Garibaldi:That chicken has crossed roads before. I can tell.
Michael Garibaldi:The chicken in the middle of the road is looking for you.
Minbari Chicken:"It made it all the way across the road, was about to step onto the other curb when it surrendered. It still hasn't told us why."
Mojo Liebowitz:I dunno, but look at the cool lens-flare effect we did on frames 1132-1164,
Morden:It was what the chicken wanted.
Morden:What did it want?
Morden:Where do you want the chicken?
Na'Toth:Give me a few moments alone with it and I shall uncover its motives.
Narn Chicken:consensus seems to assume they are one in the same.
Police Officer:Nothing to see here, move along, move along.
Sarah:The chicken is safe now. But we still don't have enough evidence to go public.
Shadow Chicken: Appears out of nowhere in the middle of the road, blows the hell out of everything - cars, trucks, pedestrians, the road - then vanishes.
Streibs:"We were about to dissect the chicken to discover the answer, but a giant rooster appeared out of nowhere and pecked our ship to pieces..."
Talia:I knew it would happen. I could sense it.
Talia:We just made it think that it crossed the road.
Talia:Well, there is another option.