SATICHE - 0041

Lightbulb jokes

Q: How long does it take a C programmer to screw in a light bulb?: A: 24 hours - 3 minutes to put in the bulb, the rest of the time to compile all the libraries.
Q: How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?: A: 3, one to change the light bulb and another one to change the light bulb.
Q: How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: What kind of answer did you have in mind?
Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
Q: How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
Q: How many aides does it take to change President Clinton's light bulb?: A: None, they like to keep him in the dark.
Q: How many Anarchists does it take to change a light bulb?: A: ALL of them!!
Q: How many Apple and IBM nuts does it take to change a light bulb?: A: An infinite number: nothing useful gets done while they're arguing. Finally a disgusted generic computer user (who will use any type that is in front of him) gets up and changes the bulb, elbowing the participants aside. The size of the crowd arguing seems to be a function of time, although whether or not the function is exponential is not known.
Q: How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: Seven. One to screw it in and six to design the tee-shirts.
Q: How many Apple programmers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Only one, but why bother?; A: Your light socket will just be obsolete in six months anyway.
Q: How many BASIC programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: 10 push bulb upwards:twist bulb clockwise 20 goto 10
Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?: A: That's proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment of license fee.
Q: How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
Q: How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
Q: How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?: A: This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile...
Q: How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?: A: None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Four. One to screw it in and three to write the environmental-impact statement.
Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
Q: How many C programmers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: None, they forgot to declare it first
Q: How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: You're still thinking procedurally. A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class, so all you'd have to do is send a light bulb change message.
Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Six. One to screw it in and five to share the experience.
Q: How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: None -- they screw in hot tubs!
Q: How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Billions and billions.
Q: How many Chinese Red Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: 10,000 - to give the bulb a cultural revolution.
Q: How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?: A: None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
Q: How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Three, but they're really only One.
Q: How many civil servants does it take to change the light bulb?: A: 45. One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.
Q: How many company biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Four; one to write the proposal, one to design the bulb-changer, one to design the bulb-fetcher, and one to design the bulb.
Q: How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?: A: One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?: A: I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.
Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: None. It turned itself in.
Q: How many creatures from (sorority) does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
Q: How many creatures from Altair VII does it take to change a light bulb?: A: One. Though he will break the new bulb, the glow from his fingerprints will provide a quite nice illumination.
Q: How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: To get to the other side.
Q: How many database programmers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Three: One to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to write a program insuring that no one else changes the bulb at the same time.
Q: How many dead cats does it take to change a light bulb?: A: As many as it takes to make a pile big enough to climb on to reach the bulb.
Q: How many developers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: The light bulb works fine on the system in my office . . .
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.
Q: How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?: A: one.
Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.; A: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
Q: How many efficiency experts does it take to change a light bulb?: A: None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
Q: How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: We don't know yet. They're still waiting on a part.
Q: How many environmentalists does it take to change a light bulb?: A: If the light bulb is out, that's the way Nature intended it!
Q: How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and.....
Q: How many existentialists does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Two: One to screw it in and observe how the lightbulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
Q: How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
Q: How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Thats not funny!!!
Q: How many field service engineers does it take to replace a dead light bulb?: A: Who can tell. FSE's are always in the dark.; A: Two. One to hold the bulb and one to pound it in (etc) How long will it take? That's indeterminate. It depends on how many dead bulbs they've brought with them.; A: Well, the diagnostics all check out fine, so it's a software problem.; A: What if you have two dead bulbs? They replace your fuse box.
Q: How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: 5, one to change it and four to sing about how good the old one was.
Q: How many FORTRAN programs does it take to change a light bulb?: A: 1.00000000001
Q: How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: Five. One to hold the bulb, and four to guzzle beer until the room spins.; A: Three. One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
Q: How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?: A: One; he designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one and screw itself in.
Q: How many games machine programmers does it take to screw in a light-bulb?: A: One, but he needs the seal of approval from Nintendo before he can put his light-bulb in their socket.
Q: How many garage mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?: A: 3, one to change the switch and two to change the wiring.
Q: How many gas fitters does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Three. One to turn up the day before when you're out; One to change the switch; One to bring along the wrong sort of light bulb.
Q: How many gay-rights activists does it take to change a light bulb?: A: None. "The light bulb shouldn't have to change for society to accept it."
Q: How many Generals does it take to change a light bulb?: A: 1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
Q: How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: Only one, but it sure takes a big load of light bulbs!
Q: How many graduate students does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Only one, but it may take him/her more than five years to do it.
Q: How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.; A: None. They always work in the dark.
Q: How many Harvard students does it take to change a light bulb?: A: One. He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him.
Q: How many Help Desk guys does it take to change a light bulb?: A: MIS has received your request concerning your hardware problem, and has assigned your request Service Number 39712. Please use this number for any future reference to this light bulb issue. As soon as a technician becomes available, you will be contacted.
Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco?: A: Both of them.
Q: How many IBM CPU's does it take to turn on a light bulb?: A: 33 - 1 to process the instruction and 32 to process the interrupt.
Q: How many IBM engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
Q: How many IBM PC owners does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: Only one, but he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.; A: Two. One to do it, but one to check the new bulb for viruses first
Q: How many IBM tech writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: 100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally left blank", and 20% of the definitions are of the form "A ...... consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks".; A: Just one, provided there's an engineer around to explain how to do it.
Q: How many jazz musicians does it take to change a light bulb?: A: No, big daddy, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.; A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen in on the guest list.
Q: How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the mineral water.
Q: How many jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: None, I'll just sit here in the dark...
Q: How many journalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?: A: Three. One to report it as an inspired government program to bring light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government plot to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a pulitzer prize for reporting that Electric Company hired a lightbulb assassin to break the bulb in the first place.
Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.
Q: How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Oh wow, is it like dark, man?
Q: How many KGB agents does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Two. One to change it and the other to check for bugs.
Q: How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?: A: Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all of the credit.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement:Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:1. The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.2. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.3. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non- negotiable. NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm".
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: How many can you afford?; A: Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.
Q: How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Five. One to screw it in and four to screw it up.
Q: How many libertarians does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Libertarians never change light bulbs, because someone might enter the room who wants to sit in the dark.
Q: How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?: A: One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
Q: How many Lisp programmers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Hmmm, I'm not sure, better find out....; A: Hmmm, I'm not sure, better find out....>; A: Notes: LISP is a recursive programming language. One problem LISP programmers have to contend with is infinite recursion.(cf computer dictionary entry: recursion - see recursion); A: These lisp heads are usually research AI types and their standard answer is as in the punchline. It could be improved:; A: (((H)mmm,) (I'm ((not) sure, better))) (find (out))...
Q: How many local government officials does it take to change a light bulb?: A: 20, Four to form a working party to discuss the necessity of changing the light bulb, six to form an action group to decide how the light bulb can be changed if the working party decides it can be changed, and ten to form a treasury subcommittee to arrange financing if the working party and the action group agree on the necessity and how it can be done.
Q: How many Mac owners does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: None - there's no documentation available, so you have to wait until a third-party supplier comes out with a solution.; A: Just one, but the new light bulbs aren't compatible with the old sockets, so he has to buy a complete upgrade or a new light.; A: Two: One to ask the socket to eject the old bulb, and one to insert the new one.; A: Three: One to change the bulb, one to copyright the method for changing the bulb, and one to call in the lawyers on anyone who infringes on the "look and feel" of the bulb changing method.; A: Mac users don't screw, they just click the genital icon.
Q: How many Macintosh engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: None - it has to be done by a local authorized dealer.
Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?: A: None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
Q: How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Depends on what you want to change it into.
Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.; A: Three. One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number of one of their subordinates to actually change it.; A: We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.
Q: How many Maoists does it take to change a lightbulb?: A: One to screw in the bulb and a thousand to chant "fight darkness."
Q: How many Martians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?: A: One and a half.
Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: None, because inside every light bulb lie the seeds to its own revolution.
Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: None. It's left to the reader as an exercise.; A: One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke.; A: One. He gives it to five Oregonians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke.
Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?: A: 7. Scotty will report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is burnt out, to which Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead. Scotty, after checking around, notices that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he can't see in the dark to tend to his engines. Kirk must make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and 3 red shirt security officers beam down. The 3 security officers are promptly killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. Meanwhile, back in orbit, Scotty notices a Klingon ship approaching and must warp out of orbit to escape detection. Bones cures the native king who is suffering from the flu, and as a reward the landing party is set free and given all of the light bulbs they can carry. Scotty cripples the Klingon ship and warps back to the planet just in time to beam up Kirk et. al. The new bulb is inserted, and the Enterprise continues with its five year mission.
Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: Two. That's all that will fit.
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a light bulb?: A: One - but Bill Gates must inspect every single bulb and socket before the operation is started.; A: Eight: one to work the bulb and seven to make sure Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.
Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: None. They just define darkness as an industry standard.
Q: How many military information officers doed it take to change a light bulb?: A: At the present point in time it is against policy and the best interests of military strategy to divulge information of such a statistical nature. Next question, please.
Q: How many missionaries does it take to change a light bulb?: A: 101. One to change it and 100 to convince everyone else to change light bulbs too.; A: Just one, but he has to be on top.
Q: How many modern artists does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Four; one to throw bulbs against the wall, one to pile hundreds of them in a heap and spray-paint it orange, one to glue light bulbs to a cocker spaniel, and one to put a bulb in the socket and fill the room with light while all the critics and buyers are watching the fellow smashing the bulbs against the wall, the fellow with the spray-gun, and the cocker spaniel (what goes clink-clink-clink, ow-woooo?)
Q: How many MS tech supports does it take to change a light bulb?: A: "The light bulb doesn't work?; A: You must be using a non-standard socket."
Q: How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.
Q: How many necrophiliacs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?": A: None. Necrophiliacs prefer dead bulbs.; A: Just one. Excuse me, but could you please test the socket with your finger while I get a new bulb?
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: None of your f*****g business.
Q: How many Newtons does it take to change a lightbulb?: A: Foux! There to eat lemons, axe gravy soup.
Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
Q: How many operating systems are required to screw in a light bulb?: A: Just one-Microsoft is making a special version of Windows for it.
Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: Three. One to screw in the lightbulb and two to fend off all those Californians trying to share the experience.
Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: 1.99904274017, but that's close enough for non-technical people.
Q: How many people does it take to change an object-oriented light bulb?: A: Change it?; A: Aw shucks, I was going to reuse it.
Q: How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Three. One to change the light bulb, one to be a witness, and the third to shoot the witness.
Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Three. One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle... ... and one to change the bulb.
Q: How many Poles does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Only one, but it takes 6000 Russian troops to make sure he doesn't go on strike.
Q: How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: Both of them.
Q: How many pre-meds does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: Two -- one to screw it in, and another to kick the ladder out from under him.
Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: That's a hardware problem; A: 1. One always changes jobs in the middle of a project; A: 3. A programmer to blame it on the hardware and call a customer engineer, a customer engineer to blame it on the operating system and call a systems programmer, a systems programmer to say that it is an applications problem and that the programmer should reprogram the light switch.; A: 4. One to analyse the problem, one to write the instructions, one to check out and debug the instructions, and one to perform the operation.; A: 12. One to change the bulb, one for backup and ten for the documentation.
Q: How many pro-lifers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: 6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
Q: How many Prolog programmers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: False.
Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Only one, but the light bulb has to really want to change.; A: None. The bulb will change itself when it is ready.
Q: How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
Q: How many pygmies does it take to change a light bulb?: A: At least three (height???)
Q: How many radical feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: That's not funny!
Q: How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?: A: None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
Q: How many Real Programmers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: None. Real programmers prefer LEDs.
Q: How many Real Women does it take to change a light bulb?: A: None: A 'Real Woman' would have plenty of Real Men around to do it.
Q: How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
Q: How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.
Q: How many Romulans does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: 151, one to screw the light bulb in, and 150 to self-destruct the ship out of disgrace.
Q: How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Nobody knows. Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs.
Q: How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?: A: Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
Q: How many Shiites does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Four: one to hijack a light bulb, one to commandeer a jet to Beirut airport one to hold press conferences, and one to negotiate with Israel and the US for the release of fluorescent bulbs held in hostage around the world!!
Q: How many shipping dept. personnel does it take to change a light bulb?: A: We can change the bulb in 7-10 working days; if you call before 2pm and pay an extra $15 we can get the bulb changed overnight.
Q: How many social scientists does it take to change a light bulb?: A: They do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out.
Q: How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?: A: One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, fifty to establish the state production quota, two hundred militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an '800' number to order an American light bulb.
Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: None. "We'll document it in the manual."; A: None. It's a hardware problem.; A: One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably fall down.; A: Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.; A: Four. One to design the change, one to implement it, one to document it, and one to maintain it afterwards.; A: Four, plus one senior analyst to manage the project, one technical writer to correct the spelling and grammar of the one who documented it, one light bulb librarian, a sales-force of at least five to drum up enough users who want to turn the light on, 274 users to burn out the new bulb, at which point we go to tender for another light bulb change,...; A: Five. Two to write the specification program, one to screw it in, and two to explain why the project was late.; A: Wait! Maybe the bulb isn't broken. Let's try it again.; A: It's hard to say. Each time we separate the bulb into its modules to do unit testing, it stops working. The change is 90% complete.; A: We looked at the light fixture and decided there's no point trying to maintain it. We're going to rewrite it from scratch. Could you wait two months?; A: Only one, but she's not available. She's the only programmer we have who can get the software ready to ship to customers, and that's higher priority, you know.; A: Of course, as everyone knows, just five years ago all it took was a bunch of kids in a garage in Palo Alto to change a light bulb.
Q: How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
Q: How many straight San Franciscans does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: Both of them.
Q: How many supply-side economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
Q: How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?: A: None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Fish.
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
Q: How many survivors of a nuclear war does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: None. People who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.
Q: How many system administrators does it take to change a light bulb?: A: None, they just keep everyone out of the room.
Q: How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.; A: None. "The user can work it out."
Q: How many terrorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: Two: one to stage a suicide attack on the bulb and another to claim responsibility in phone call to the news media.
Q: How many testers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: We just noticed the room was dark; we don't actually fix the problems.
Q: How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: None. There never *was* any light bulb.
Q: How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb ?: A: 50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
Q: How many union members does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Are you kidding?; A: 50.Q2: Why 50?; A: It's in the contract.
Q: How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?: A: As many as you want; they're all virtual, anyway.; A: One, but first he has to determine the correct path.
Q: How many Unix programmers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: Only one, but if you forget to tell him "2>>" he'll mash both the live and dead bulbs into the same socket at once.
Q: How many Unix Support staff does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: Read the man page!
Q: How many Unix system vendors does it take to change a light bulb?: A: None. All of the light bulbs you have are 'standard variants' and as such won't fit your particular implementation of the socket. (However you do have the source code for your socket, so .....)
Q: How many VMS heads does it take to change a light bulb?: A: All of them, and they will all scream at you in unison and tell you that the only light bulb you can use is a 100-watt soft white but you can use any 100-watt soft white as long as it's manufactured by DEC.
Q: How many Vulcans does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: "Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000000000000"
Q: How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb?: A: 472. One to write WinGetLight BulbHandle, one to writeWinQueryStatusLight Bulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle...
Q: How many Windows users does it take to change a light bulb?: A: One, but she/he'll swear up and down that it was JUST as easy for him as it would be for a Macintosh user.
Q: How many WordPerfect support technicians does it take to change a light bulb?: A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? Ok. Now, exactly how dark is it? Ok, there could be four or five things wrong . . . have you tried the light switch?
Q: How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?: A: Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
Q: How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb?: A:A: Two. One to do it and one not to.; A:A: "One to change and one not to change" is fake Zen. The true Zen answer is Four. One to change the bulb.; A:A: Zen Masters don't need light bulbs because they carry their own light with them.; A:A: Three. Two to fetch the wood and one to enlighten the novice.; A:A: A tree in a golden forest.; A:A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out of the way.