Unattributed Insults
- A guy with your IQ should have a low voice too!
- A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.
- A sharp tongue is no indication of a keen mind.
- After meeting you, I've decided I am in favor of abortion in cases of incest.
- All of your ancestors must number in the millions; its hard to believe that many people are to blame for producing you.
- All that you are you owe to your parents. Why don't you send them a penny and square the account?
- Alone: In bad company.
- And there he was, reigning supreme at number two.
- Any friend of your's ... is a friend of your's.
- Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!
- Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.
- Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?
- Are your parents siblings?
- As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
- At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people - you are obnoxious in a different and worse way!
- Before you came along we were hungry. Now we are fed up.
- Believe me, I don't want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit?
- Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner.
- Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing!
- Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.
- Can I borrow your face for a few day while my ass is on vacation?
- Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head!
- Converse with any plankton lately?
- Diarrhea of the mouth; constipation of the ideas.
- Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
- Did your parents have any children that lived?
- Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?
- Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea.
- Do you want me to accept you as you are or do you want me to like you?
- Doesn't know the meaning of the word fear, but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words.
- Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!
- Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?
- Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.
- Don't mind him. He has a soft heart and a head to match.
- Don't thank me for insulting you. It was my pleasure.
- Don't think, it may sprain your brain!
- Don't you have a terribly empty feeling ---- in your skull?
- Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?
- Don't you need a license to be that ugly?
- Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another?
- Ever since I saw you in your family tree I've wanted to cut it down.
- Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege.
- Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.
- Excellent time to become a missing person.
- Fat? You're not fat, you're just ... fat.
- For two cents I'd give you a piece of my mind - and all of your's.
- Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds.
- Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?
- He's not stupid; he's possessed by a retarded ghost.
- He's so fat, he has the only car in town with stretch marks.
- He can open his mail with that nose!
- He does the work of three men: Moe, Larry, and Curly
- He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this morning.
- He has a mind like a steel trap -- always closed!
- He has depth, but only on the surface. Down deep inside, he is shallow.
- He is always lost in thought -- it's unfamiliar territory.
- He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome.
- He is living proof that man can live without a brain!
- He is so short, when it rains he is always the last one to know.
- He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.
- Heard your family went to a restaurant where they serve crabs just so they could bring you along.
- Hello - tall, dark and obnoxious!
- Her underarms are so hairy, she looks like she has Buckwheat in a headlock.
- Here's 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change!
- Hey, act your age -- senile!
- Hey, I heard you went to the butcher and asked for 10 cents worth of dog meat and he asked you if you wanted it wrapped or if you would eat it on the spot.
- Hey, I remember you when you had only one stomach.
- Hi! I'm a human being! What are you?
- His origins are so low, you'd have to limbo under his family tree.
- His personality's split so many ways he goes alone for group therapy.
- How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
- I'd like to give you a going-away present...but you have to do your part.
- I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have a place to put it!
- I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.
- I'm blonde, what's your excuse?
- I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
- I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away.
- I'm not as dumb as you look.
- I've come across decomposed bodies that are less offensive than you are.
- I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.
- I've hated your looks from the start they gave me.
- I've only got one nerve left, and you're getting on it.
- I always wanted to be a trouble-shooter but now I see you are not worth it!
- I believe in respect for the dead; in fact I could only respect you if you WERE dead.
- I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
- I bet your mother has a loud bark!
- I can tell you are lying. Your lips are moving.
- I can't seem to remember you name, and please don't help me!
- I can't talk to you right now; tell me, where will you be in ten years?
- I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?
- I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
- I don't mind that you are talking so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening.
- I don't think you are a fool. But then what's MY opinion against thousands of others?
- I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
- I don't know who you are, but whatever it is, I'm sure everyone will agree with me.
- I don't want you to turn the other cheek. It's just as ugly.
- I feel sorry for you because you are so homely but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you.
- I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.
- I hear what you're saying but I just don't care.
- I hear you are an officer. Your rank is - just plain rank!
- I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club cause they need someone to snub.
- I hear you are connected to the Police Department -- by a pair of handcuffs.
- I hear you are very kind to animals so please give that face back to the gorilla.
- I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper?
- I hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?
- I hear you were born on April 2; a day too late!
- I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!
- I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there.
- I know you are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you.
- I know you're a self-made man. It's nice of you to take the blame!
- I know you're not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!
- I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you
- I like your approach, now let's see your departure.
- I reprimanded my son for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.
- I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.
- I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.
- I want nothing out of you but breathing, and very little of that!
- I will defend to your death my right to my opinion.
- I wonder how many angels could dance on his head?
- I worship the ground that awaits you.
- I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.
- I would have liked to insult you, but with your intelligence you wouldn't get offended.
- I would like the pleasure of your company but it only gives me displeasure.
- I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
- I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
- I'd rather pass a kidney stone than another night with you.
- I've seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!
- If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose your's because I'd want a brain that had never been used.
- If I had a face like your's. I'd sue my parents!
- If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, I'm glad.
- If I want any shit outta you I'll squeeze your head.
- If I want your stupid opinion, I'll beat it out of you.
- If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldn't say hello, I'd say boo!
- If idiots could fly, this would be an airport.
- If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
- If manure was music, you'd be a brass band.
- If sex were fast food, you'd have an arch over your head.
- If truth is stranger than fiction, you must be truth!
- If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!
- If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's practically invulnerable.
- If you act like an ass, don't get insulted if people ride you.
- If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself!
- If you ever tax your brain, don't charge more than a penny.
- If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you get change back.
- If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
- If you were a body of water, you'd be a kiddie pool.
- If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid.
- If your brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill an M&M.
- Ignorance can be cured. Stupid is forever.
- In the land of the witless, the half-wit is king.
- Instead of being born again, why don't you just grow up?
- Judging by the old saying, 'What you don't know can't hurt you', he's practically invulnerable.
- Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!
- Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.
- Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
- Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you be yourself.
- Let's play house. You be the door and I'll slam you.
- Look, don't go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know you've got a palm.
- Make somebody happy. Mind your own business.
- Man alive! But I wish you weren't.
- Moonlight becomes you - total darkness even more!
- Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.
- Nice to see you on your feet. Who sent the derrick?
- Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave good-bye.
- Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.
- Of all the people I've met you're certainly one of them.
- Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.
- Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
- People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!
- People clap when they see you - their hands over their eyes or ears.
- People say that you are outspoken but not by anyone that I know of.
- People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect but you are doing all right.
- Perhaps your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
- Please breathe the other way. You're bleaching my hair.
- She's so ugly they used to put a pot roast in her lap so the dog would play with her.
- She was another one of his near Mrs.
- She's like Taco Bell. When people see her, they run for the border.
- Sit down and give your mind a rest.
- Slit your wrists - it will lower your blood pressure.
- So ugly, robbers give him their masks to wear.
- So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
- Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadn't.
- Some drink form the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.
- Some folks are so dumb, they have to be watered twice a week.
- Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was.
- Some people don't hesitate to speak their minds because they have nothing to lose.
- Somebody else is doing the driving for that boy!
- Someday you'll go far, if you catch the right train.
- Someone said you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs.
- Someone said you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for you and said, 'oh yes she is.'
- Someone took a photo of you once but it didn't turn out. You could be seen too clearly.
- Take a vacation; go to Club Dead.
- Take off that mask! Don't you think it's a little early for Halloween?
- Talk is cheap, but so are you.
- That's a very meaty question and I'd like to give it a very meaty answer -baloney!
- The cream rises to the top. So does the scum.
- The going got weird and he turned pro.
- The inbreeding is certainly obvious in your family.
- The next time you shave, could you stand a little closer to the razor?
- The overwhelming power of the sex drive was demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father you.
- The thing that terrifies me the most is that someone might hate me as much as I loathe you.
- The twinkle in his eyes is actually the sun shining between his ears.
- There are only two things I dislike about her - her face.
- There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them.
- There is no vaccine against stupidity.
- They just invented a new coffin just for you that goes over the head. It's for people who are dead from the neck up.
- They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.
- They say that travel broadens one. You must have been around the world.
- They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.
- They say truth is stranger than fiction. Look, your mother gave birth to you. (thanks, Jojie Alcantara)
- This is no battle of wits between you and me. I never pick on an unarmed man.
- Too bad stupidity isn't painful.
- We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God.
- We all spring from apes but you didn't spring far enough.
- We do not complain about your shortcomings but about your long stayings.
- We heard that when you ran away from home your folks sent you a note saying, "Do not come home and all will be forgiven".
- We know that you would give your life for us. Promises promises!
- We know that you would go to the end of the world for us. But would you stay there?
- We know you could not live without us. We'll pay for the funeral.
- Well, I'll see you in my dreams - if I eat too much.
- What's the latest dope - besides you?
- What he lacks in intelligence, he more than makes up for in stupidity.
- Whatever anyone says to you goes in one ear and out the other because nothing is blocking traffic.
- Whatever is eating you - must be suffering horribly.
- When God was throwing intelligence down to the Earth, you were holding an umbrella.
- When I look into your eyes, I see the back of your head.
- When you die, I'd like to go to your funeral but I'll probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure.
- When you die, you should have your brain donated to science. I hear they're trying to come up with the perfect vacuum.
- When you feel terrific, notify your face.
- When you fell out of the ugly tree, you hit every branch on the way down.
- When you get run over by a car it shouldn't be listed under accidents.
- When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, I'll say your stupidity.
- When you were a child your mother wanted to hire someone to take care of you but the Mafia wanted too much.
- When you were born, GOD admitted that even HE could make a mistake!
- Whom am I calling "stupid"? I don't know. What's your name?
- Why don't you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance?
- With a mind like your's, who needs a body?
- Worst-dressed sentient being in the known universe.
- Would you like some cheese and crackers to go with that whine?
- Would you like to replace my business partner who died this morning? I'll arrange it with the undertaker.
- You're a habit I'd like to kick; with both feet.
- You're acquitting yourself in a way that no jury ever would.
- You're nobody's fool. Let's see if we can get someone to adopt you.
- You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.
- You're so fat when you jumped up you got stuck.
- You're so old you drove a chariot to school.
- You're so slow it takes you an hour and a half to watch "Sixty Minutes."
- You're so ugly when you went to a haunted house they offered you a job.
- You're so ugly, you almost look like your mother.
- You're the best at all you do - and all you do is make people hate you.
- You're very smart. You have brains you never used.
- You've got your head so far up your ass, you can chew your food twice.
- You've never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to.
- You always have your ear to the ground. So how's life in the gutter?
- You are a man of the world -- and you know what sad shape the world is in.
- You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent.
- You are down to earth but not quite far down enough.
- You are living proof that manure can grow legs and walk.
- You are no longer beneath my contempt.
- You are not as bad as people say - you are worse!
- You are pretty as a picture and we'd love to hang you.
- You are so boring that you can't even entertain a doubt.
- You are so dishonest that I can't even be sure that what you tell me are lies!
- You are so fat that I hear you were arrested three times for jay-walking when all the time you were just standing on the corner waiting for the light to change.
- You are the kind of person who, when one first meets you, one doesn't like you. But when one gets to know you better, one hates you.
- You don't sweat much, for a fat girl.
- You grow on people - like a wart!
- You have a face only a mother could love - and she hates it!
- You have a good weapon against muggers - your face!
- You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one.
- You have a speech impediment ... your foot.
- You have an inferiority complex - and its fully justified.
- You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth!
- You liked your first chin so much, you added two more.
- You make me believe in reincarnation. Nobody can be as stupid as you in one lifetime.
- You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals.
- You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning.
- You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light.
- You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
- You remind me of the ocean - you make me sick.
- You say that you are always bright and early. Well OK, we know you are early.
- You should do some soul-searching. Maybe you'll find one.
- You should have been born in the Dark Ages; you look terrible in the light.
- You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for.
- You started at the bottom - and its been downhill ever since.
- You used to be arrogant and obnoxious. Now you are just the opposite. You are obnoxious and arrogant.
- You were born because your mother didn't believe in abortion; now she believes in infanticide.
- You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along.
- You will never be able to live down to your reputation!
- You're so low you could milk a pregnant snake!
- Your conversation is like the waves of the sea. It makes me sick!
- Your family tree is good but you are the sap.
- Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle.
- Your teeth are like stars - they come out at night.
- Your verbosity is exceeded only by your stupidity.
- Your's is a prima facie case of ugliness. And your body is ugly too.