How To Put An Elephant In A Refrigerator
Analysis:
- Differentiate it and put into the refrig. Then integrate it in the refrig.
- Redefine the measure on the referigerator (or the elephant).
- Apply the Banach-Tarsky theorem.
Number theory:
- First factorize, second multiply.
- Use induction. You can always squeeze a bit more in.
Algebra:
- Step 1. Show that the parts of it can be put into the refrig. Step 2. Show that the refrig. is closed under the addition.
- Take the appropriate universal refrigerator and get a surjection from refrigerator to elephant.
Topology:
- Have it swallow the refrig. and turn inside out.
- Make a refrig. with the Klein bottle.
- The elephant is homeomorphic to a smaller elephant.
- The elephant is compact, so it can be put into a finite collection of refrigerators. That's usually good enough.
- The property of being inside the referigerator is hereditary. So, take the elephant's mother, cremate it, and show that the ashes fit inside the refrigerator.
- For those who object to method 3 because it's cruel to animals. Put the elephant's BABY in the refrigerator.
Algebraic topology:
- Replace the interior of the refrigerator by its universal cover, R3.
Linear algebra:
- Put just its basis and span it in the refrig.
- Show that 1% of the elephant will fit inside the refrigerator. By linearity, x% will fit for any x.
Affine geometry:
- There is an affine transformation putting the elephant into the refrigerator.
Set theory:
- It's very easy! refrigerator = { elephant }
- The elephant and the interior of the refrigerator both have cardinality c.
Geometry:
- Declare the following: Axiom 1. An elephant can be put into a refrigerator.
Complex analysis:
- Put the refrig. at the origin and the elephant outside the unit circle. Then get the image under the inversion.
Numerical analysis:
- Put just its trunk and refer the rest to the error term.
- Work it out using the Pentium.
Statistics:
- Bright statistician: Put its tail as a sample and say "Done."
- Dull statistician: Repeat the experiment pushing the elephant to the refrigerator.
- Our NEW study shows that you CAN'T put the elephant in the refrigerator.