This message does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my family; don't quote me on that; don't quote me on anything; all rights reserved; you may distribute this message freely but you may not make a profit from it; terms are subject to change without notice; illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail; any resemblance to actual persons, living, dead or otherwise, is unintentional and purely coincidental; do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law; hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, staple, mutilate, or spindle; your mileage may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time only; this message is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted; caveat emptor; message is provided "as is" without any warranties; reader assumes full responsibility; an equal opportunity message; not responsible for the loose nut in front of the keyboard; quantities are limited while supplies last; if any defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized service center; read at your own risk; parental guidance is advised; keep away from sunlight; keep away from pets and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary; you need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries not included; instructions are included; action figures sold separately; no preservatives added; slippery when wet; safety goggles may be required during use; sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken; call before you dig; not liable for damages arising from use or misuse; for external use only; all prices are final, except the final price, which is subject to change without notice; if rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading; read only with proper ventilation; avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place; keep away from open flames; avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit; do not place near a flammable or magnetic source; smoking this message could be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom; no salt, MSG, artificial color, flavoring, or text added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a doctor; possible penalties for early withdrawal; offer valid only at participating sites; do not attempt to drive a vehicle or operate heavy machinery while reading this message; allow 28 days for delivery; must be 18 to read; this is a trained professional, do not try this at home; not responsible for damage or injury due to misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken aerial or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an aeroplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, leafs on the line or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, a, b and g rays, meteorites, knives, stones, cats or other small fur bearing mammals, etc.); other restrictions apply.
This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during transportation. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. If condition persists, consult your doctor. No user-serviceable parts inside. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Colours may, in time, fade. For office use only. Warranty void if serviced by non-authorized personnel. Edited for television. List was current at time of printing. At participating stations only. Ceci n'est pas une pipe. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Out to lunch. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. No purchase necessary. May be hazardous to health if consumed in excessive quantities. Not responsible for typographical errors. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include tax. Not recommended for children. List at least two alternate dates. Package sold by weight, not volume. This supersedes all previous notices.