Conductors' Malapropisms

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• Congratulations to each and every one of you for the concert last night in New York and vice versa.
• I'm conducting very slowly because I don't know the tempo.
• I am thinking it right but beating it wrong.
• I can conduct better than I count.
• Why do you always insist on playing when I am trying to conduct?
• Don't ever follow me, because I am difficult.
• It is not as difficult as Ithought it was, but it is harder than it is.
• The notes are right, but if I listened they would be wrong.
• It is not together, but the ensemble is perfect.
• Start three bars before something.
• Did you play? It sounded very good.
• Percussion, a little louder. ("We don't have anything.") That's right, play it louder.
• I need one more bass less.
• Brass, stay down all summer.
• Accelerando means in tempo. Don't rush.
• I don't want to repeat this a hundred times. When you see crescendo, it means p [piano].
• We can't hear the balance yet because the soloist is still on the airplane.
• Please follow me because I have to follow him and he isn't here.
• ..he is a wonderful man, and so is his wife.
• Bizet was a very young man when he composed this symphony, so play it soft.
• That's the way Stravinsky was--Bup, bup, bup. The poor guy's dead now. Play it legato.
• [On Oistrakh's death:] I told him he'd have a heart attack a year ago, but unfortunately he lived a year longer.
• This is a very democratic organizaion, so let's take a vote. All those who disagree with me raise their hands.
• It's all very well to have principles, but when it comes to money you have to be flexible.
• Thank you for your cooperation and vice versa.
• I never say what I mean but I always manage to say something similar.
• I don't mean to make you nervous, but unfortunately I have to.
• "Gentlemen! A joke then and now--yes! Very sometimes--but always--by God never!"
• "Gentlemen, this phrase must be, must be...it must, it must...you know what I mean...please try it again...please."
• "You think I know damn nothing. In fact--I know damn all."