"Hello! Personal Function Kit Technical Support, how can I help you?"
"Well, I was sorta hoping someone could walk me through taking a leak."
"Okay, well, do you have to go now?"
"Yes, I do"
"Okay... well, are you on male or female equipment?"
"Male - Clone."
"Okay, the first thing we want to do is find your fly..."
"My what?"
"Your fly... it opens your pants. It should be in the front of you. Look down."
"I see shoes."
"No, sir... look sorta in the front of you... like just below your stomach. You should see some metal on your pants. That's your fly..."
"The round thing?"
"Well, that's your button... let's open that too, while we're down there. The fly looks like a lot of little metal things sideways."
"Oh, okay... I got it. Okay, it's open..."
"Okay, sir... can you grab your willy?"
"Do you see your willy?"
"Okay... what do you see?"
"I see white... just white and some lines..."
"Do you have underwear installed?"
"Sir, if you can't see your willy, and you see only white, ... I think that you may have underwear installed. We are going to have to uninstall your underwear to take a leak...."
"Well, my friend was the last one to use my fly... he might have installed underwear..."
"Okay sir... well grab the white part and pull down... keep pulling until you see your willy..."
"It's stuck... it won't go down..."
"The white part? Or your willy?"
"My willy..."
"DON'T pull down on your willy, sir... just the underwear... we only want to get to the point were we can see it.... your willy, that is."
"You want to see my willy"
"Yes... well no, I want YOU to see your willy."
"Oh... okay, we're there..."
"Okay... now look around the room... do you see anything made of porcelain?"
"I see a little penguin on a shelf..."
"Okay, sir... I think you're in the living room... go to the bathroom. We can't take a leak until we are in the bathroom. The bathroom will have a lot of tile, maybe some carpeting... your might have mirrors or some soap in it. Some people have showers in their bathroom..."
"Okay... I think I can see the bathroom from here."
"Okay, sir, what do you see?"
"The bathroom."
"Yes, sir, I understand that. What do you see in the bathroom?"
"Well, I think I can see a lot of tile."
"And some carpeting."
"And a table."
"A table?"
"Yes, a large table with some chairs around it. Can I take my leak now?"
"NO!... Sorry, sir... No, I think you're looking at the kitchen. Is there a big box in there that keeps things cold.""Well, I know there's one that makes things hot... Yes, I remember I saw a cold box also."
"Okay, sir. That IS the kitchen. Now think again. I need a small room with tile and mirrors. I need a bathroom."
"You need a bathroom too?"
"No, sir. I meant I need a bathroom for you where you are. Can you think of a bathroom?"
"Well, I'm downstairs and there's that kitchen and ... I think the bathroom is upstairs..."
"Very good! ... let's go upstairs..."
"I can't."
"Why is that sir?"
"Well, I could hardly walk to the kitchen, if I try to walk up stairs I'm gonna fall."
"Okay sir... temporarily reinstall your underwear... then go upstairs... then uninstall your underwear again...""That was the white part, right?"
"Yes, sir... that's correct..."

"Okay, I'm upstairs..."
"Okay... now do you see any porcelain bowl-type things?"
"Well, there's two..."
"How tall are you sir?"
"Okay... go to the one where it's lower than your willy..."
"Okay... I'm there."
"Okay... now make sure that you are pointing toward the porcelain bowl... Now, just go..."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, when it pops up... just hit 'okay'..."