Rules of Grammar

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• Don't use no double negatives
• Don't never use no triple negatives.
• No sentence fragments
• Corollary: Complete sentences: important.
• Stamp out and eliminate redundancy.
• Avoid cliches like the plague.
• All generalizations are bad.
• Corollary: All statements must be specific.
• Never listen to advice.
• Take care that your verb and subject is in agreement.
• A preposition is a bad thing to end a sentence with.
• Down with categorical imperatives.
• Avoid those run-on sentences that just go on, and on, and on, they never stop, they just keep rambling, and you really wish the person would just shut up, but no, they just keep going, they're worse than the Energizer Bunny, they babble incessantly, and these sentences, they just never stop, they go on forever... if you get my drift...
• Never contradict yourself always.
• You should never use the second person.
• When dangling, watch your participles.
• Never go off on tangents, which are lines that intersect a curve at only one point and were discovered by Euclid, who lived in the sixth century, which was an era dominated by the Goths, who lived in what we now know as Poland...
• As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations."
• Excessive use of exclamation points can be disastrous!!!!!
• Remember to end each sentence with a period
• Don't use commas, which aren't necessary.
• Don't use question marks inappropriately?
• Don't be terse.
• Don't obfuscate your theses with extraneous verbiage.
• Never use that totally cool, radically groovy out-of-date slang.
• Avoid tumbling off the cliff of triteness into the black abyss of overused metaphors.
• Keep your ear to the grindstone, your nose to the ground, take the bull by the horns of a dilemma, and stop mixing your metaphors.
• Avoid those abysmally horrible, outrageously repellent exaggerations.
• Avoid any awful anachronistic aggravating antediluvian alliterations.
• Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
• Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
• It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
• Contractions aren't necessary.
• Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
• One should never generalize.
• Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
• Don't be redundant; don't more use words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
• Profanity sucks.
• Be more or less specific.
• Understatement is always best.
• Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
• One-word sentences? Eliminate.
• Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
• The passive voice is to be avoided.
• Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
• Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
• Who needs rhetorical questions?
• While a transcendent vocabulary is laudable, one must nevertheless keep incessant surveillance against such loquacious, effusive, voluble verbosity that the calculated objective of communication becomes ensconced in obscurity.
• In a sentence, the nouns has to match the verbs.
• In writing, few things are, so to speak, more infuriating, than, say, commas, at least when there are too many of them, or when they should be, say, semicolons.
• Proofread your work, so you don't leave some out or forget to finish
• To have been using excessively complex verb constructions, is to have been bopping the literary baloney.