AARDVARK | Strenuous labor |
ABASH | A great party |
ACOUSTIC | Instrument used in billards. |
ACTOR | Someone who tries to be everything but himself. |
ACURA | All Cars Usually Require Adjustment |
| Americans Can Underestimate Routine Accidents |
| Any Child Understands Real Automobiles |
| Automobile Causes Universal Road Accidents |
| Awful, Crappy, Unreliable, Rusty Automobile |
ACUTE | The Opposite of an ugly. |
ADVIL | n. device used to hammer things on. |
ADVICE | n. the smallest current coin. |
AELUROPHOBIA | fear of cats |
AFTER-MATH | n. The period following algebra. |
AIBOHPHOBIA | Fear of palindromes. |
AIDS | v. looking for love in all the wrong places |
ALARM CLOCK | n. machine that scares the daylights into you. |
| adj. something that makes people rise and whine. |
ALIMONY | 'Bye now, pay later. |
ALTERNATING CURRENT | Bi-sexual electrons. |
AN UDDER FAILURE | Cow that doesn't give milk. |
ANARCHY | Such a good idea, it should be the law. |
ANNOYING | Two people who go right on talking when you're interrupting |
ANTIQUE SHOP | n. A place where sale items are very old and the prices are very modern. |
ANXIETY | Nature's way of getting you up mornings. |
APPARENT | n. A large, old, bossy person who tortures youths. |
ARCHAEOLOGIST | n. person whose career lies in ruins. |
ARTERY | Study of fine paintings |
ASPIRIN | Having great ambitions |
ASTRONOMER | n. a night watchman |
ATHEISM | A non-prophet organisation. |
ATOMIC BOMB | n. thing that makes molehills out of mountains. |
AUDI | Accelerates Under Demonic Influence |
BABY PHILOSOPHY | if it stinks, change it. |
BACHELOR | n. One who never makes the same mistake once. |
| n. One who's footloose and fiance free. |
BACTERIA | n. Lunchroom for chiropractors. |
| n. rear portion of a cafeteria. |
BAD DAY | A day when everyone loves your drivers license photo. |
BANKERS' HOURS | That part of the day when it is too hot to play golf. |
BARIUM | What doctors do when treatment fails. |
BARNEY (BAR-NEE) | n. Well known purple mutant eggplant from Hell. |
| A Smurf on steroids. |
BARNEY & FRIENDS | An adult's virtual reality trip through Jurassic Park |
BEETLE | Battered Everywhere, Expect To Lose Engine |
BIGAMY | One wife too many. Monogamy: same idea. |
BLACK CLOTHES | Ideal tool for removing cat hair from furniture. |
BMW | Babbling Mechanical Wench |
| Bastard Money Wielders |
| Beastly Monstrous Wonder |
| Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels |
| Beautiful Mechanical Wonder |
| Big Money Waster |
| Big Money Works |
| Blasphemized Motorized Wreck |
| Blasphemous Motorized Wreck |
| Born Moderately Wealthy. |
| Break My Windows |
| Broken Money Waster |
| Broken Monstrous Wonder |
| Brutal Money Waster |
| Bumbling Mechanical Wretch |
| Bring Money Withyou |
BOASTING | Pitter patter of little feats. |
BOEING | The sound a plane makes when it hits the ground |
BORE | One who, upon being asked how they are, tells you. |
BORG CABLE CO | subscriber's wishes are irrelevent |
BORG COLA | The choice of the Next Generation |
BORG TRIVIAL PURSUIT | Asimilating irrelevant information |
BORG TV | One Channel. Anything else is irrelevant. |
BOW TIE | Big Over Weight Tired Impotent Engines |
BOY SCOUTS, THE | Like the army with adult supervision. |
BUICK | Big Ugly Import Car Killer |
| Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer |
| Built Under Inspection of Cooky Korean |
BUREAUCAT | a kitty who sleeps on your undies. |
CAFFEINE | The fifth food group |
| Everything you could want in a drink |
CAMARO | Can't America Make A Real One? |
CAPITALISM | Man exploiting man. Socialism: The reverse. |
CAT (kat') | n. Dog with an attitude problem. |
| n. animal that tastes JUST like chicken |
| n. Fast, psychotoc animal bred for target practice. |
| n. A dog with an attitude problem |
CAT GAME | Fit into the smallest space available. |
CAT TOY | n. Any object on the ground. |
CATACLYSM | Bible study classes for cats. |
CATACOMB | n. used for brushing cat hair. |
CATALAN OPENING | Starting a local area network for cats. |
CATASTROPHE | An award for the cat with the nicest buns. |
CATATONIC | n. Italian beverage most preferred by cats. |
CATGUT | n. My dog got fleas but my catgut kittens. |
CATHOLIC | n. A cat with a drinking problem. |
CATOLIC | n. a religiously clean Cat. |
CATS | God's way of saying your furniture is too nice. |
| Good for dusting high places. |
| proof that eating and sleeping isn't all bad. |
| proof that not everything in nature has a function. |
CATS' FAVORITE GAME | Hah - made you look! |
CATSCAN | hi-tech device for examining cats. |
CATSKILL MOUNTAINS | Mountain range with dangerous cats. |
| The land of dead mice. |
CENSORISM | ** * ****** ********* |
CHEVORLET | Crappy Hot-Running Engines, Very Rusted Out, Lose Every Time |
| Car Has Extensive Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips. |
CHEVY | Charged Heavily |
| Cheapest Heap Ever enVisioned Yet |
CHICKEN | The egg's way of making more eggs. |
CHILDISH GAME | One at which you cannot beat your spouse. |
CHOCOLATE | The other major food group. |
CHRYSLER | Car Having Really Yucky Stupid Lazy Engine Runs |
| Could Have Remained Your Sickly Lame Elderly Relative's |
CITROEN | Crap Interior Terrible Road-holding Owned Entirely by Nutters |
CLINTON/GORE | the Beavis and Butthead of politics |
COBOL n. | Crude Outdated Boring Obsolete Language |
COMMITTEE | 12 people doing the work of one. |
| A life form with six or more legs and no brain. |
| A group that keeps the minutes but wastes the hours. |
COMPUTER | Machine that makes very fast, very accurate mistakes |
COMPUTER USERS | n. Collective term for those who stare vacantly at a monitor. |
| Users are divided into three subgroups: |
NOVICE USERS: | People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. |
INTERMEDIATE USERS: | People who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it. |
EXPERT USERS: | People who break other people's computers. |
CONCLUSION | Where somebody got tired of thinking. |
CONFERENCE MANAGEMENT | Trying to herd cats |
CONGRESS | Political Asylum |
CONSCIENCE | The inner voice warning you that somebody is looking. |
CONSCIOUSNESS | That annoying time between naps. |
COURAGE | n. Fear extinguisher. |
CREDIT CARD | A way to increase ones yearning. |
CYNIC | Someone who smells the flowers and looks for the casket. |
DATABASE | adj. More information than you'll ever need. |
DATSUN | Detroit's Angry Towards Sneaky Unscrupulous Nips |
DEATH | Nature's way of telling you to slow down. |
DELICATE | A dainty kitten who likes kosher. |
DIME | A dollar after taxes. |
DIPLOMACY | The art of letting somebody have your way. |
DODGE | Dead Or Dying Garbage Emitter |
| Dem Old Dudes Go Everywhere |
| Drips Oil, Drops Grease, Everywhere |
DOG | Foot Warmer |
DOGMATISM | Puppyism come to full growth. |
DOOR | something a cat wants to be on the other side of. |
EARTH | Mostly Harmless |
EGOTIST | Someone who talks much and thinks little. |
ELASTIC | Oprah's pants |
EXPERIENCE | What you get when you don't get what you want. |
EXPERIMENT | One-legged cats are easier to throw. |
| Cats without legs never land on all fours. |
FELINIOUS ASSAULT | Striking someone with a cat. |
FIAT | Failure In Automotive Technology |
| Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation |
| Fix It Again Tony |
| Fix It All the Time |
FINE | Tax for doing wrong. Tax: fine for doing fine. |
FLASHLIGHT | A device used to store dead batteries. |
FOOT | A device for finding furniture in the dark. |
FORD | (backwards) Driver Returns On Foot |
| First On Recall Day |
| First On Race Day |
| Fix Or Repair Daily |
| Found On Road Dead |
| Fraternal Order of Restored DeSoto's |
FREE | Flying lessons for your cat, off the Sears Tower |
G.T.I. | Got Tossers Inside |
GM | General Mistake |
| Grungy Merchandise |
GMC | Garage Man's Companion |
| Generally Mediocre Cars |
| Got Mechanic Coming |
| Got More Crap |
GOD | The only one who really knows what he is talking about |
GOLFER | One who yells "fore!", takes five and writes down three. |
GUI | Grab the User In-the-face |
HANGOVER | The wrath of grapes. |
HEALTH | The slowest possible rate of dying. |
HEAVY | adj. Seduced by the chocolate side of the force |
HOBBY | Getting exhausted on your own time. |
HONDA | Hand Over Dollars to Asians |
| Helping Out Nips Destroying America |
| Hold Overs Not Doing Anything |
HOMEMOANER | n. One who complains about property taxes |
HUH | Primary word of the teenage language. |
HUMAN | n. Useful domestic animal, popular with cats. |
IBM | A non-service profit organization |
ILLINOIS | Not as boring as you think. |
INSANITY | A Primary method of survival. |
IRAQ | Past tense of Iran |
JAGUAR | Jews And Germans Usually Argue Retail |
JEEP | Jinxed Engine has Extra Parts |
| Jump Excitedly in Every Pothole. |
| Jumps Everything Ever Parked |
| Junk Eletrical and Emissions Parts |
| Junk Everyone Eyes for Parts |
| Just Eat Every Pickle. |
JOB | A really, really, really, bad joke. |
JOURNALISM | Literature in a hurry |
KARAOKE | A Japanese word meaning Tone Deaf American. |
KITTY LITTER | Throwing cats out a car window. |
KITTY WELLS | where cats go to drink |
LAPTOP | where my kitties sleep. |
LAWYER | The larval form of Politician |
LIFE | Something to do when you can't get to sleep. |
| What happens to you while you are making other plans. |
| Circus and all the clowns are in Washington. |
| A first draft, with no rewrite. |
| Series of rude awakenings. |
| (In a Sentence): If life is unfair, why can't it be unfair in my favor? |
LSD | Virtual Reality without all the fancy hardware. |
MASON-DIXON LINE | Line that separates Y'all from the Youse Guys |
MAZDA | Model All Zoids Drive Aimlessly |
| Making A Zillion Dollars Annually |
MCAFEE | Patron saint of paranoid computer users. |
MEEEEE | What Geronimo says when he jumps out of a plane. |
MICE CRISPIES | Breakfast of champion cats! |
MODEM | A deterrent to phone solicitors. |
| n. Monumentally Overpriced Data Eating Machine. |
| How a southerner asks for seconds. |
MODERATOR | n. Also known as god, dictator, egotist, oppressor |
MOPAR | Mitsubishi's Over Priced American Replicars |
| Most Often Passed At Races |
| Mostly Old Paint And Rust |
| Mostly Old Parts And Rust |
MULTITASKING | Screwing up several things at once. |
NAPA | Never Any Parts Available. |
NERVOUS | Asking which wine goes best with fingernails. |
NISSAN | Nasty Import Sucks Savings Away to Nippon |
NOSTALGIA BUFF | One who finds the past perfect and present tense. |
NOW | adv: A moment in time that has already passed. |
NURSERY | Place where nurses are made. |
OLDSMOBILE | Old Loose Dented Sheet Metal Outdated By Infamies Like Edsel |
ONCE | (wuns) adv: Enough. |
ORGAN DONOR | A motorcyclist without a helmet |
OXYMORON | A compassionate Republican. |
| A thinking liberal. |
| Airline food |
| Alone together. |
| Artificial intelligence |
| Athletic scholarships. |
| Baby grand. |
| Bittersweet |
| Brave politician. |
| Budget Resolution |
| Bug free code. |
| Business ethics. |
| Capital Punishment. |
| Chicken fingers |
| Civil War. |
| Classic Rock |
| Cold fire. |
| Completely Unfinished |
| Computer security. |
| Congressional ethics. |
| Constant Change. |
| Constant variable. |
| Conventional wisdom. |
| Criminal justice. |
| Death benefits |
| Dodge Ram. |
| Down Escalator. |
| Dream Reality |
| Dry ice. |
| Dry wine. |
| Dull point. |
| Educational Television. |
| Elementary calculus. |
| Even Odds. |
| Fast idle. |
| Final version. |
| Finished buildings. |
| Firewater. |
| Free love. |
| Freezer burn. |
OXYMORON (contd.) | Fresh frozen. |
| Friendly fire. |
| Good Grief. |
| Progressive Conservative. |
PEANUTS | n. my paycheck. |
PEST | n. A friend in need. |
PHILOSOPHY | A study that lets us be unhappy more intelligently. |
PINTO | Put In New Transmission Often |
PIZZA | The fourth food group. |
POLITICIAN | The adult form of a lawyer |
POLITICS | Poly: many + Tics: blood sucking parasites |
| The entertainment branch of industry. |
PONTIAC | Poor Old Nitwit Thinks Its A Cadilliac |
PORSCHE | Phased Out Racer-Still Can't Hold Engine |
| Pulled Over Regularly So Cops Have Enough |
| Puts Out Really Smoky Carbonate Hazardous Emissions |
POVERTY | Having too much month left at the end of the money. |
PROFESSOR | Someone who talks in somebody else's sleep. |
PROGRESS | Opposite of Congress |
PRONOUN | A noun that has lost it's amateur status |
PROSTITUTE | Receiver of swollen goods. |
PURR | The sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness |
PURRANOIA | Fear the cat is up to something.. |
PURRING | The sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness. |
RADIOACTIVE CAT | Cat with 18 half lives. |
REALITY | n. Where the pizza dude comes from. |
REDUNDANCY | An airbag in a politician's car |
REJECTION | When your imaginary friends won't talk to you. |
RENAULT | Retarded Engine No Acceleration Ugly Lump of Trash |
RETIREMENT | Twice as much husband, half as much money. |
| When you stop living at work and start working at life |
RING | Item used to explore the drain in one's sink |
ROFL | Rolling On the Floor Laughing |
ROTISSERE | A ferris wheel for chickens |
SAAB | Swedish Automobile - Always Broken |
SCHOOL | n. a learning prison |
SKIER | Someone who pays an arm and a leg to break them. |
SLEEP | A poor substitute for caffeine. |
| That fleeting moment just before the alarm goes off. |
SOCIALISM | Man exploiting man. Capitalism: The reverse. |
SPOILS OF WAR, THE | n. Army food. |
STICK | ('stik) n. A boomerang that doesn't work. |
STP | Stop Those Pistons. |
STRESS | n. Doing a tight 180-dregree U-turn at Warp 9.5. |
SUBARU | Send Undercover Boat And Radioactive Uranium |
SUCCESS | Attending a funeral as a spectator |
SUSHI | Known to the rest of the world as 'Bait'. |
SYNONYM | Word you use when you can't spell the one you want. |
SYSOP (sihs-ahp) | n. One who reconfigures |
| n. The person laughing at your typing. |
TACT | Knowing how far to go in going too far. |
TAGLINES ('tag-l„inz) | n. The restroom walls of BBSing |
| n. The bumperstickers of the information super highway. |
TAX | Fine for doing fine. FINE: Tax for doing wrong |
TERROR | A female Klingon with PMS. |
THESAURUS | Ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary. |
TOYOTA | Taking Our Yen Out -- Thanks All |
TREE | Plant used to stop cars. |
TRIUMPH | The Risk Involving Useless Machinery Pays Heavily |
TUNAR | Sonarlike device in can that causes cats to appear |
UNILINGUAL | American. |
UNWRITTEN BOOK | "Dash for the Bathroom" by Willie Makitt. |
VACATION | A place to go without having to. |
VW | Very Worthless |
WASHINGTON D.C. | A work free drug place. |
WINDOWS | The best 89 dollar solitaire game you can buy |
WITLAG | The delay between delivery and comprehension of a joke. |
WOMAN | Man, the sequel. |
WORK | The slow, dragging fingernail on the blackboard of life. |