Things Not To Say / Do In a Zoo
  1. Ask to borrow a lion, so that you can scare one of your friends.
  2. Dress up as a monkey and run around yelling, "I'm FREE! I'm FREE!"
  3. Roam around on all fours, and look at people with food expectantly.
  4. Put on a crown, jump in the lion cage, and scream, "I AM KING OF THE JUNGLE! RESPECT ME! GIVE ME LARGE PORTIONS OF STEAK AND TELL YOUR KIDS NOT TO COME TOO CLOSE TO ME!"
  5. Try to pet one of the carnivorous animals, after covering yourself with meat tenderizer.
  6. Look at the gorilla. Flex your muscles. Then, tell everyone around that you could beat him easily, if it were just the two of you.
  7. Try to interview a snake.
  8. Turn in a teddy bear, and ask for a reward.
  9. Turn in yourself. Ask for more.
  10. Put on a hook for a hand, visit the crocodiles, and then yell "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" to one of them repeatedly. If someone asks, say it was a traumatic childhood incident that sparked your hatred.
  11. Dress up as a tour guide, and then lie about the animals. ("The first zebra was found in 1956, in the kitchen of Walter Smith, a famous mathematician.")
  12. Pretend you're a spy. Spy on the giraffe.
  13. When you get near the hyena, start laughing, and as soon as you've passed it, stop. If people ask, tell them that a hyena laughed at your Uncle Cyril after he tripped on a well placed banana.