Truths About Kids and Their Pets
  1. All baby turtles are pre-programmed to fake an early death, just so that you will be repeatedly forced to flush your hard-earned 2.99 down the toilet. (NOTE: They will subsequently come back to life and join up with the other turtles who are waiting in the sewer system to grow up and take over the world.)
  2. If you get your child a pet that you find personally repugnant, such as a snake, it will escape it's tank at the earliest possible moment and take up residence underneath your bed.
  3. A dog who sits next to children during dinner, will "mysteriously" gain weight in direct proportion to the amount of steamed vegetables and other healthy items on your kids plate(s).
  4. On average, a puppy can be housebroken in less than 6 months. Children, never.
  5. To a youngster, bathing the dog involves dousing the unfortunate animal in your 50 an bottle perfume when you're not looking.
  6. Your "junior scientist" will be so successful at nurturing a productive ant farm that it will take the exterminator 6 months to undo the damage.
  7. Worse yet, your "junior scientist" will mistakenly bring home woodworm instead of ants.
  8. The one day your young son actually agrees to clean out the cat's litter box, he will trip before he makes it to the rubbish bins.
  9. A young child will always forget to close the back gate when your dog is in heat.
  10. Your children will eventually leave home -- their pets never will.