Truths About Kids and Their Pets
- All baby turtles are pre-programmed to fake an early death, just so that you will be repeatedly forced to flush your hard-earned £2.99 down the toilet. (NOTE: They will subsequently come back to life and join up with the other turtles who are waiting in the sewer system to grow up and take over the world.)
- If you get your child a pet that you find personally repugnant, such as a snake, it will escape it's tank at the earliest possible moment and take up residence underneath your bed.
- A dog who sits next to children during dinner, will "mysteriously" gain weight in direct proportion to the amount of steamed vegetables and other healthy items on your kids plate(s).
- On average, a puppy can be housebroken in less than 6 months. Children, never.
- To a youngster, bathing the dog involves dousing the unfortunate animal in your £50 an bottle perfume when you're not looking.
- Your "junior scientist" will be so successful at nurturing a productive ant farm that it will take the exterminator 6 months to undo the damage.
- Worse yet, your "junior scientist" will mistakenly bring home woodworm instead of ants.
- The one day your young son actually agrees to clean out the cat's litter box, he will trip before he makes it to the rubbish bins.
- A young child will always forget to close the back gate when your dog is in heat.
- Your children will eventually leave home -- their pets never will.