9 Types of Boyfriends
Joe Sensitive - "After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, OK?" Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled Egg, Snugglepup. Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts. Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy
Old Man Grumpus - "People are stupid. The world can go to hell. Let's stay home and watch TV." Also known as: Grumbles, Sour puss, Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogey, Slow Mover, Jerk. Advantages: Stays put; predictable. Disadvantages: Royal pain in the ass
Flinchy - "I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did." Also known as: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled. Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle.
Bigfoot - "Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'." Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk, Big 'n' Dumb. Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled. Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig
Lazybones - "Zzzzzz". Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket, Drug Addict. Advantages: Well rested; easy target. Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfull your dreams
The Sneak - "Who, me?". Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, G-D Son of a Bitch. Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt. Disadvantages: May be having time of his life
Ace of Hearts - "After I wash the dishes let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?". Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Monster. Advantages: Perpetually aroused. Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused
The Dreamer - "Someday I'm going to be rich and famous. I don't know how, but--".
Also known as: Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of Wind. Advantages: Tells good stories. Disadvantages: Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus"
Mr. Right - "While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love like crazed weasels in my new yacht, ok?". Also known as: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy. Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer. Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction