Why did the chicken cross the road?

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Any calculus professor	The road, if expressed in the form (y2-y1)/(x2-x1) is approximate for cases where lim(y2-y1)/(x2-x1) as (x2-x1) -> 0, is represented by the derivative, or rate of change, of the road with respect to the chicken, such that the value of the chicken may be assumed equal to the value of (y2-y1)/(x2-x1), for small values of roads.
Any economist	It depends on what we assume about the chicken's preferences.
Any mathematician	Actually, it hasn't crossed the road yet, but it is approaching the other side asymptotically over time.
Any philosophy professor	Why not?
Any statistician	Sometimes it crosses, sometimes it doesn't. On average, it's actually in the middle of the road.
Douglas Adams	Forty-Two
Earnest Angsley	To be HAYELED! in the name o'Jayeeezus!
Marcus Antonius	The evil that chickens do lives after them, the good is oft interred with their bones.
Jane Austen	Because it is a truth universally acknowledged that a single chicken, being posessed of a good fortune and presented with a good road, must be desirous of crossing.
Aristotle	To actualize its potential.
Neil Armstrong	One small step for chickenkind, one giant leap for poultry.
Lord Baden-Powell	Because as a Chicken Scout, it needed the Road-Crossing Merit Badge.
Baldrick	It had a cunning plan.
The Band	To take a load off....
Clive Barker	He was drawn to the road, and he didn't so much cross the road as the road crossed him. And once across, the chicken entered into a frightening void, filled only with the screams of a thousand agonized souls. The hands of doom reached out of the blackness, strangling the chicken, smothering him, suffocating him. He could not escape, as no one who crosses the road can escape. He was now a prisoner of the Cenobytes, doomed to an eternity of pain.
Roseanne Barr	Urrrrrp. What chicken?
The Beatles	To be free as a bird!
Ludwig von Beethoven	What? Speak up.
Lavrenti Beria	This is a State Secret -- we have informants everywhere.
Blackadder	Queenie: Because I told it to. Percy: To acquire a hunk of purest green Lord Flasheart: To DOOOOOOOOO IT!
Lucien Bouchard	So that it could be SEPARATE!
Ben Bova	To be reunited with beautiful grey-eyed Athena, the woman he has loved for all of time
Brisco (Law and Order)	For A Bagel
Bruce, Bruce, Bruce and Bruce	To grab a Fosters and get away from the poofters!
Buddha	If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
Archie Bunker	I don't care what them there chickens do, as long as they stay on THEIR side of the street!
Bugs Bunny	What's up, cluck?
Robert Burns	Fair Fa Your Honest Sonsie Face Great Chieftain O' The Chicken Race The blackened road 'ahind ye said Ye best run quick ere ye be deid!
George Bush	If it did it was out of the loop
George Bush	It could see the thousand points of headlights....
Rhett Butler	Frankly my dear, it didn't give a damn!
Caesar	It came, it saw, it crossed.
Joseph Campbell	In primitive cultures, we can find many such examples of the chicken motif that cannot be dismissed as mere coincidence. For instance, I am reminded of an old Navajo legend in which a buffalo crosses a stream to "come" to the other side -- an obvious negative language devised to prepare tribesmen for a transcendental experience. Similarly, the Hindus believe in savanaya, or a sacred cow that leaps over a chasm on Thursdays. Through metaphorical interpretation, we are led to realize that all examples suggest an attainable higher state of consciousness like that of Nietzsche's ubermench, or superman, as outlined in his novel "Thus Spoke Zarathustra."
Candide	To cultivate its garden.
Raymond Chandler	Across these mean streets a chicken must go who is not himself mean, who is neither tarnished nor afraid. He is the hero; he is everything. He must be a complete chicken and a common chicken and yet an unusual chicken. He must be, to use a rather weathered phrase, a chicken of honor - by instinct, by inevitability, withough thought of it, and certainly without saying it. He must be the best chicken in his world and a good enough chicken for any world.
Charlie X	Because it didn't want to STAY....STAY....STAY....STAY....STAY...
Cheech (or Chong)	Just to be there, man.
The Chicken	I am crossing the road to block traffic as a protest against ..." (thump).
Commander Chikotay	I'm not sure but I can find out. That chicken is my animal spirit guide.
Noam Chomsky	To manufacture consent
Tom Clancy	The Mark 84 gargleblaster that the chicken carried, at the heart of which was an inferior ex-Soviet excimer laser system, had insufficient range to allow the chicken to carry out its mission from this side of the road.
Basil Fawlty	Manuel from Barcelona: "Que?" Basil: "You know, a chicken crossing the road...." Manuel: "Que?" Basil: [looking it up in a dictionary], "Un Pollo..." Manuel: interrupting, "No, No we out of chicken.." * WHAP!!*
John Cleese	Because it was very silly.
John Cleese	This isn't a chicken license, you know! It's a dog license with the word "Dog" crossed out and "Chicken" written in in crayon.
John Cleese	This Chicken is no more. It has ceased to function. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. It's a stiff. If it wasn't nailed to the road it'd be pushing up daisies. It's snuffed it. It's metabolic processes are now history. It's bleeding demised. It's rung down the curtain, shuffled off the mortal coil and joined the bleeding Choir Invisible. This is an Ex-Chicken.
Bill Clinton	What?
Bill Clinton	The chicken was persuaded to cross the road by the Democratic congress. It is now returning to the middle of the road
Joseph Conrad	Mistah Chicken, he dead.
John Constantine	Because it'd made a bollocks of things over on this side of the road and figured it'd better get out right quick.
Alastair Cooke	Good Evening, and welcome to Masterpiece Theatre. Tonight, we present the epic British drama "How The Chicken Went," based on the 1843 novel by Herbert T. Poultry, and adapted for the screen by Joanna Drumstick. Starring Susan Hampshire as the Chicken, and Anthony Hopkins as the evil and unrepentant diner, Borstrom, this elegant period piece explores the mores and morality of a society in which ordinary chickens had to face their destiny of crossing the road to meet their fate at the hands of the monied upper classes, regardless of their own ambitions or desires...
Howard Cosell	It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecendented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
Stephen R. Covey	When the chicken and the road can work together for the win-win, the result is synergy!
Aleister Crowley	Because it was its True Will to do so.
Salvador Dali	The Fish.
Stephanie Daniels	It was the turtle's day off.
Darwin	It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Commander Data	I do not know. Although I have compared all of my 437 billion data points relating to chickens and roads, there is no possitive correlation between the two.
W. Edwards Demming	But is one chicken crossing one road of statistical importance? Only once we have established an historical baseline of chickens with respect to roads, with calculated upper and lower control limits, can we make that determination.
Arthur Dent	Are you sure the chicken is from Beetelgeuse, and not from Gilford after all?
Jacques Derrida	Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
Rene Descartes	It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.
Rene Descartes	The chicken was merely a machine and was crossing due to the deterministic nature of the universe.
Emily Dickinson	Because it could not stop for death.
Bob Dole	Do you know that before that chicken had gotten across the road, its cellular phone was ringing and there was a lawyer on the other end asking if it would like to sue the city for not putting up a traffic light.
Bob Dylan	How many roads must one chicken cross?
E.T.	Chicken, phone home
Wyatt Earp	Well, chicken, are you gonna do something, or just stand there and bleed?
Eeyore	If it did. Which I doubt. Not that it matters.
Albert Einstein	Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.
T.S. Eliot	It's not that they cross, but that they cross like chickens.
Harlan Ellison	Because he had no beak and must scream.
Ralph Waldo Emerson	It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Epicurus	For fun.
Paul Erdos	It was forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle.
Basil Fawlty	Oh, don't mind that chicken. It's from Barcelona.
Sybil Fawlty	BASIL! Why is there a CHICKEN in my hotel?
Pierre de Fermat	I just don't have room here to give the full explanation.
Dr. Johnny Fever	To escape from the Phone Cops!
Gerald R. Ford	It probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop its forward momentum.
Sigmund Freud	The chicken obviously was female and obviously interpreted the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of which she was envious, selbstverstaendlich.
Robert Frost	To cross the road less traveled by.
Barney Fyfe	Now Andy, let me tell you a thing or two about chickens. Chickens cross roads in those other counties, but not here in Mayberry. No chicken crosses no roads in Mayberry without Deputy Fyfe knowing about it!
Zsa Zsa Gabor	It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which, thank goodness, are good, dahling.
Gandalf	O chicken, do not meddle in the affairs of roads, for you are tasty and good with barbecue sauce.
Bill Gates	For the money
Frank Bunker Gilbereth	To minimize its therbligs
Jim Gillis	The chicken crossed the road to show the gophers it could be done.
Johann Wolfgang v. Goethe	The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Stephen Jay Gould	It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation.
Sir Charles Grandiose	As surely as the golden hairs turn to silver, as surely as the sands drift silently through the slender neck of the hourglass, the last sunny days of summer flee soundlessly under autumn's chilly embrace. And with those last days of that warmest and most joyful of seasons, left the road's edge the sprightliest young chicken ever a Baronet did see
Hercules Gryptyppe-Thynne	That's not a chicken! It's a clever disguise, inside of which is Count Jim "Thighs" Moriarity.....
Gary Gygax	Because I rolled a 64 on the "Chicken Random Behaviors" chart on page 497 of the Dungeon Master's Guide.
Hamlet	Because 'tis better to suffer in the mind the slings and arrows of outrageous road maintenance than to take arms against a sea of oncoming vehicles.
Thomas Hardy	The road was black, the sky was white (and so were the feathers) as the bright red mark on the top of the chicken's head gleamed in the twilight. It was a pure chicken and it was doomed.
Hegel	Only through the synthesis of the dialectical chicken and road could the spirit transcend the experience of crossing.
Robert Heinlein	Because with the freedom the chicken was given, it was the chicken's responsibility to do so.
Robert Heinlein	The more widely dispersed chickens are throughout the Universe, the better the long-term prospects for the survival of the chicken species.
Werner Heisenberg	We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
Ernest Hemingway	To die. In the rain.
Hippocrates	Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Doug Hofstadter	To seek explication of the correspondence between appearance and essence through the mapping of the external road-object onto the internal road-concept.
Sherlock Holmes	It crossed the road because it was going to catch a train at Victoria Station at 3:15, to Edinburgh. And how did I know that? Observe, Watson, the patina of dust on the chicken's feathers, which indicates that it had been spending time in a library, reading about Scotland. And observe also that it was humming "Bonnie Lassie" as it waited to cross. Finally, and most important, observe the train ticket marked Edinburgh, stuffed under one wing, and the fact that Victoria station was where the chicken crossed the street, and finally that the only train to Edinburgh this afternoon is the 3:15....
David Hume	Out of custom and habit.
Saddam Hussein	This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Lee Iacocca	It found a better car, which was on the other side of the road.
Dr. Jack Van Impe	Well you see, here's the really exciting part, if we were to look at Revelation 17:3 we will see that the Whore of Babylon rides on a scarlet beast. A scarlet beast! What this means is a Rhode Island Red. And the truly glorious thing is that this beast, this Rhode Island Red, this CHICKEN has crossed the road EXACTLY as was prophesized in the Bible and this is all a sign, Revelation 17:3, that we're living in the End Time. Hallelujah! And if you would like more information on the significance of this chicken crossing the road as all part of God's great plan then send me $50 and you will recieve this set of video tapes along with a copy of my recent book "Chickens	fowl beast, or foul beast?".
John Paul Jones	It has not yet begun to cross!
Carl Jung	The confluence of events in the cultural gesalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurences into being.
Franz Kafka	Dieter, now in the form of a chicken, was running from the government's torture machine. The machine, an instrument of death, slowly obliterated the souls of its victims. Dieter was alone. He was running for his life, his insignificant life.
Immanuel Kant	The pure transcendental concept of the road, having been deduced a priori and without dependence on intuitions, is given in the mode of the chicken as an end in itself, while crossing the road as a hypothetical imperative, namely, as acting towards some end allowed by Reason.
JF Kennedy	The chicken chose to cross the road in this decade not because it was easy, but because it was hard.
Obi Wan Kenobi	To follow old obi wan on some damn fool idealistic crusade.
Jack Kerouac	The chicken hipster, high on tea and the soul groves of Charlie (the bird) Parker, strolled aimlessly on the road looking for his dharma.
Colonel Kilgore	"I love the smell of chickens in the morning"
Martin Luther King	It had a dream.
James Tiberius Kirk	To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Ralph Klein	Because we gave it a one-way bus ticket to B.C.
Mark Knophler	How come Chickens got Industrial Disease?
Mark Lane	There is new, irrefutable evidence that the chicken did not act alone.
Gary Larson	Don't ask me. I am retired.
Stan Laurel	I'm sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the run.
Timothy Leary	Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
John Le Carre	Because it knew, at the core of its being where none could ever reach, that its only course of action now that its cover was blown wide open was to try and slip away into the grey, foggy, bleak evening before Smiley came, accompanied by his silent shadow Peter Guillam, asking questions for which there could never be answers.
Dr. Hannibal Lector	So I could eat its liver, with some fava beans and a nice chianti .......thththththththth.
Leda	Are you sure it wasn't Zeus dressed up as a chicken? He's into that kind of thing, you know.
Foghorn Leghorn	To get to that damn Dawg, Boah!
Gottfried Von Leibniz	In this best possible world, the road was made for it to cross.
Vladimir Lenin	It is not the chicken's road. It is the PEOPLE'S road!
David Letterman	And the No. 1 reason - fricasee!
Rush Limbaugh	Beacuse of those damn bleeding heart liberals, trying to save one stupid bird while thousands of jobs are being lost.
Dave Lister	Because of the smegging space corps directives.
Any Late News Anchor	The chicken crosses the road. Film at 11:00.
Abraham Lincoln	Fourscore and seven eggs ago, our forefeathers...
H. P. Lovecraft	To escape the eldritch, cthonic, rugose, polypous, indescribably horrible abomination not from our space-time continuum.
H.P. Lovecraft	To futilely attempt escape from the dark powers which even then pursued it, hungering after the stuff of its soul!
George Lucas	Because the Force was with it.
Machiavelli	So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
Karl Marx	It was a historical inevitability.
Karl Marx	To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.
Groucho Marx	Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.
Groucho Marx	This morning I shot a chicken in my pyjamas -- and lemme tell ya, that chicken ran out of my pyjamas in a second!
Jackie Mason	Whaddaya want, it should just stand there?
Perry Mason	Cross the road you say? But how can you be sure? No one else would have known the chicken crossed the road except for the real killer!
Dr. McCoy	How should I know? Damnit Jim, I'm a Doctor not an ornithologist!
Marshall McLuhan	The Road is the Medium. The chicken is the Message!
Gregor Mendel	To get various strains of roads.
A.A. Milne	I imagine that if I thought very hard I shouold come up with a reason. (also applicable to Winnie the Pooh)
John Milton	To justify the ways of God to men.
Indigo Montoya	It too pursues a man with six fingers on his left hand.
Michael Moriarity	To annoy Janet Reno.
Jim Morrison	To break on thruough to the other side, I am the chicken king
Ralph Nader	A chicken on a road is unsafe at any speed
Alfred E. Neumann	What? Me worry?
Sir Isaac Newton	Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.
Jack Nicholson	'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.
Nietzsche	Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
Col. Oliver North	I do not recall any such events. I had no knowledge of these occurences.
Peter Norton	It was a virus and it saw me coming...
Richard Nixon	That part of our conversation was accidentally erased.
George Orwell	Because Big Brother was watching to make sure that it did cross the road, although in its heart, the chicken never did.
Thomas Paine	Out of common sense.
Michael Palin	Nobody expects the banished inky chicken!
Dorothy Parker	Travel, trouble, music, art / A kiss, a frock, a rhyme / The chicken never said they fed its heart / But still they pass its time.
Gen. George S. Patton	To get those yellow bellied chickens outta here.
Gen. George S. Patton	The way to win a war is not to cross a road for you country. The way to win a war is to make some OTHER poor chicken cross a road for HIS COUNTRY!
Wolfgang Pauli	There already was a chicken on the other side of the road.
Frank Perdue	How the heck do I know? Do I look like a chicken to you -- don't answer that.
H. Ross Perot	I'm crossing. I'm not crossing....
H. Ross Perot	Crossing the road is that chickens primary concern! PRIMARY concern!
H. Ross Perot	Chickens and roads, I'll tell ya what it means! It means 4 trillion dollars of dafficit, it means the end of our infrastructure, it means... look at this chart!
H. Ross Perot	Let me tell ya, it's all about NAFTA. This chicken represents your job, and this road represents the Mexican border...
Jean-Luc Picard	To see what's out there.
Jean-Luc Picard	Because it's shields were down and it had no other options left...
Piglet	Because ch-ch-chickens are such very s-s-s-small animals.
Plato	For the greater good.
Edgar Allan Poe	Quoth the chicken,"Nevermore!"
Emily Post	When a chicken is confronted with a road, it is only proper for the chicken to stand erect, turn to face the road, look both ways and cross... remembering to send a sincere thank you letter within one month of the event.
Elvis Presley	You aint nothin' but a chicken, crossin' all the roads!
Pyrrho the Skeptic	What Road?
Monty Python	For Something Completely Different
Dan Quayle	"chicken" C-H-I-K-E-N "chicken"
The Red Queen	Who cares? Off with it's head!
R2D2	beep bleep be deep birp whirrrrrrrrr!
The White Rabbit	It was late!
Ayn Rand	The chicken crossed the road in order to get away from the flock that is stifling his creativity.
Ayn Rand	If not for the intransigently independent vision of that first chicken, none of the other chickens would have been able to cross the road. And they condemned him for his acheivement!
Ronald Reagan	I don't recall. What was the question?
Georg Friedrich Riemann	The answer appears in Dirichlet's lectures.
Pat Riley	The chicken crossed the lane in less than 3 seconds, so a "fowl" should not have been called.
Rimmer	Aliens!!!
General Jack D. Ripper	To maintain the purity of its precious bodily fluids.
Geraldo Rivera	Stay tuned as a panel of chickens reveals the shocking truth.
Tom Robbins	Well you see, that chicken was a special chicken who was a descendent of a parrot family that once built pyramids for tourist pharohs. This chicken liked the other side of the road whose shamanic whispers beckoned Anastasia, the parrot, like the popped cherry of a ritually consumated white wedding. That's the meaning of it all, baby!
Carl Sagan	To see the billions and billions of stars.
Col. Saunders	It Ran, Suh! I offered it a coating of 11 herbs and spices and it ran, Suh! So I shot it, Suh, shot it while it was trying to escape, suh!
Sappho	For the touch of your skin, the sweetness of your lips..
Jean-Paul Sartre	In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Arnold Schwarzenegger	It was going back...
Mr. Scott	'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain, wi' no dilithium crystals left to speak of!
Agent Scully	There simply must be a rational, scientific explanation. Chickens don't just "cross roads"
Neddy Seagoon	WhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatWHAT?
Shaggy (from scooby-doo)	like, ZOINKS!, a chicken, RUN SCOOBS, RUN!!!
William Shakespeare	I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.
Homer Simpson	ohhhhhhhh Chicken.....
Bart Simpson	It's outta here, man!
Kenneth Starr	In view of President Clinton's dealings with the Tyson Poultry Company, the matter of the chicken crossing the road is under investigation for its possible connection with the Whitewater affair.
Dr. Suess	See the end of this document for the full Dr. Suess version.
Sisyphus	Was it pushing a rock, too?
B.F. Skinner	Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
Mr. Spock	It was not logical for the chicken to do so, but I have frequently observed that the behaviour of chickens is not logical
E.E. (Doc) Smith	Your humble narrator can barely do justice to this climactic event that rent asunder the fundamental ether of space itself, as the chicken, embodying all that is good and hard and straight and keen in the Avain world, fearlessly approached, bridged, and conquered the road for Civilization.
Socrates	To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.
The Sphinx	You tell me.
Joseph Stalin	I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omlette.
John Steinbeck	The road baked in the relentless summer sun as the chicken, looking about, began to cross. It stopped occaisionally to peck at a grass seed that had become lodged in a crevice in the cracked macadam. The chicken reached the other side, then began making his way to the Salinas, which lay muddy and turgid in the July afternoon, all the while thinking of the cool shade by the river and how good the can of beans in his bedroll would taste tonight.
Ben Stone (Law and Order)	Because the defendant made it, sir.
Oliver Stone	He went back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left. Back, and to the..
Dr. Strangelove	Because it could not afford to be caught on the wrong side of the road-side gap.
John Sununu	The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.
Mr. T	If you saw me coming, you'd cross the road too!
Alfred, Lord Tennyson	So that it could sail beyond the sunset.
Old Testament	And rooster and hen were married. And rooster did begat chicken. And chicken did cross the road.
New Testament	He among you who has not crossed roads, let him cast the first egg!
Margaret Thatcher	There was simply no alternative!
Theodoric of York	Because of an imbalance of bodily humors caused by an elf or small toad living in the chicken's stomach. What this fowl needs is a good bleeding.
Dylan Thomas	To not go (sic) gentle into that good night.
Hunter S. Thompson	Why the &*%$#@ not?
Henry David Thoreau	To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Tiggr	Because that's what chickens do best!
Tiggr	(again) That's the wonderful thing about Chickens, Chasing Chickens is FUN FUN FUN, And the Wonderful thing about Chickens Is that when crossing streets they RUN!
J.R.R. Tolkein	The chicken, sunlight coruscating off its radiant yellow-white coat of feathers, approached the dark, sullen asphalt road and scrutinized it intently with its obsidian-black eyes. Every detail of the thoroughfare leapt into blinding focus: the rough texture of the surface, over which countless tires had worked their relentless tread through the ages; the innumerable fragments of stone embedded within the lugubrious mass, perhaps quarried from the great pits where the Sons of Man labored not far from here; the dull black asphalt itself, exuding those waves of heat which distort the sight and bring weakness to the body; the other attributes of the great highway too numerous to give name.
Thomas de Torquemada	Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Anthony Trollope	Why, to avoid Mrs. Proudy and Mr. Slope, of course.
Mark Twain	The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Darth Vader	Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side.
Tom Waits	...and the chicken, decked out in Foster Grant wraparounds and Purina checkerboard slacks, cruised across La Cienica Boulevard in a 1959 monkey-shit- brown Buick Super, while the yellow biscuit of a buttery cue-ball moon came rolling maverick across an obsidian sky, and why? you say? Cause that's life, and that's what all the chickens say. You're one one side in April, and you're seriouly run down in May ....
George Washington	I cannot tell a lie. I was going to chop it with my little axe, so it crossed the road.
Mae West	'Cause I invited it to come up and see me sometime.
Jerry White	Why does a chicken cross the road only half-way? So she can lay it on the line.
Walt Whitman	To cluck the song of itself.
Robert Anton Wilson	Because agents of the Ancient Illuminated Roosters of Cooperia were controlling it with their Orbital Mind-Control Lasers as part of their master plan to take over the world's egg production.
Major CE Winchester, III	What do you two-bit quacks know about chickens? Did you learn about them in medical school, or did you just read the comic book?
Ludwig Wittgenstein	The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Ludwig Wittgenstein	There are indeed things that cannot be put into words. They make themselves manifest. They are what is mystical.
Ludwig Wittgenstein	What we cannot explain we must pass over in silence.
Tom Wolfe	Kesey, muscles rippling under his shirt, a mysterious smile on his face, surrounded by the Merry Pranksters, placed the chicken at the road's edge. The chicken paused at the edge of the road, looking this way and that, and then rending the air with a tremendous, "ba-BAAWWWWKKK!" bolted across the road, its disheveled wings flapping uselessly about, leaving a trail of feathers and dander that, whenever two-ton chromium steel, 300 horsepower tail-finned symbols of Detroit's and America's supremacy passed, would swirl in a miniature version of a cyclone like the ones Mr. and Mrs. America see on the TV news every evening when he's come home from work and she's setting the table for dinner, both only half paying attention to the cyclones that devastate midwestern cow towns on sweltering summer afternoons. And the heat, dander, tornados, asphalt, tail-fins and the sweat of Mr. and Mrs. America as they move mechanically in their daily routine like the figurines in one of those huge medieval clocks on some cathedral in some European town, moving in the same way, every hour on the hour, it was all summed up by the "ba-BAAWWWWKKK!" of a scampering chicken accompanied by the "skritch, skritch" of its feet.
William Wordsworth	To have something to recollect in tranquility.
Mr. Worf	I do not know, Klingon chickens do NOT cross the road.
Malcom X	It was coming home to roost.
Molly Yard	It was a hen!
Yoda	Crossing the road makes not a chicken great
Henny Youngman	Take this chicken ... please.
Zeno of Elea	To prove it could never reach the other side.