Aviation Quotes
- If it flies, floats or fornicates, it's probably cheaper to rent.
- In response to how he checked the weather: "I just whip out my blue card with a hole in it and read what it says: 'When colour of card matches colour of sky, FLY!'"
- A midair collision seriously erodes climb performance.
- The four things that never did a pilot any good: the altitude that's above you, the runway that's behind you, the gas that's still in the truck, and a field-grade navigator in the right seat.
- "A human being is the best computer available to place in a spacecraft. ... It is also the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor"
- On a large jet following a maintenance test flight, the pilot-in-command wrote in the aircraft log, "Aircraft satisfactory, except autoland very rough. "The mechanics sign-off was, "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."
- Flying is not dangerous; crashing is dangerous.
- Being an airline pilot would be great if you didn't have to go on all those trips.
- Passengers prefer old captains and young stewardesses.
- A smooth touchdown in a simulator is as exciting as kissing your sister.
- A good simulator check ride is like successful surgery on a cadaver.
- Asking what a pilot thinks about the FAA is like asking a fireplug what it thinks about dogs.
- A thunderstorm is nature's way of saying, "Up yours."
- One good hole in the overcast is worth ten published approaches.
- Eagles may soar, but weasels never get sucked into jet air intakes.
- No female shall appear in a bathing suit at any airport in this State (Kentucky) unless she is escorted by two officers or unless she is armed with a club. The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to female horses.
- In Columbia, Pennsylvania, it is against the law for a pilot to tickle a female flying student under her chin with a feather duster in order to get her attention.
- In Lowes Crossroads, Delaware, it is a violation of local law for any pilot or passenger to carry an ice cream cone in their pocket while either flying or waiting to board a plane.
- In Pocataligo, Georgia, it is a violation for a woman over 200 pounds and attired in shorts to pilot or ride in an airplane.
- A male pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he's flying, and about flying when he's with a woman.
- Airport Test: Go through your address book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport. The ones who will drive you are your true friends. The rest aren't bad people, they are just acquaintances.
- What's the difference between God and Pilots? God doesn't think he's a pilot.
- "Bother," said Pooh when his engine quit on take-off.
- Parachutists are good to the last drop