Useless Inventions

The invention should be physically conceivable. A tissue-paper chassis couldn't even hold itself up, let alone try to serve as a chassis. Supernova-powered flashlights don't make any sense at all.

The invention should attempt to improve on something or serve a purpose. A mesh umbrella would allow people to see the sky, but a mesh raincoat would be as useless as a concrete parachute.

The invention is not an oxymoron. Some items, such as Jumbo Shrimp, Military Intelligence, and Politicians that tell the truth, fit more in the Canonical List of Oxymorons.

Some inventions may seen useless at first but are actually quite useful. They are not part of the main list. Some examples of these are:

7-day or 10-day Federal Express Service
100% Goose Down T-Shirts
100% recyclable environmentally safe chainsaw
ABS for Bicycle
AC adapter for electric cars
AC adapter for solar calculators
Air Bag for Aircrafts
All-terrain roller blades
Anemometer waterproof to 200 Ft
Armpit-Scent Deodorant
Asprin Flavoured Non-asprin painkillers
Asprin Flavored Gum
Battery powered battery charger.
Battery powered nail clipper.
Battery powered nose hair clipper
Battery powered straw
Bifocal binoculars
Black Highlighter
Braille Drive-thru ATM's
Braille Driver's Manual
Braille Encoded Cam-corder
Brake oil
Broom with bent handle
Bubble-less Champagne
Cabin pressure system for Cessna 150
Camouflage Billboards
Cast iron toilet paper (durable)
Cast iron wire
Cat flap for the fridge.
Centre-zero speedometer (useful for reverse)
Cereal enriched with optical-fiber
Checkered paint.
Clapper-Operated Door Locks
Clapper-Operated Stage lights
Clear Correction Fluid
Clear High-lighter
Coin-Operated ATM's
Compact Disc Rewinder
Compact Limo
Computer Mouse Trap
Cord-less Extension Cords
Cord-less Pay Phone
Cord-less Plumb Line
Cord-less Wire
Decaffeinated Vivarin
Dehydrated Water
De-ionized Plasma
Deuterium (D2O) filter for kitchen faucet
Diet Celery
Dim/Tinted High-Beams
Dolphin-Free Whaler Harpoons
Downhill Stair-Master
Dry Towelettes
Edible condoms
Ejector Basket for Hot Air Balloons
Elastic accessories for "No Nonsense" Bra
Electric banana straightener
Electric kazoo
Electricity Powered Generator
Fake Faux Pearl Necklace
Fake Rhinestones
Fireproof Matches
Fizzy milk
Flashbulb tester
Foam rubber toothpicks for sensitive teeth
Frictionless Sandpaper
Frowning Smileys
Furry Toiletpaper
Gasoline Powered Air Freshener
Gasoline Powered Calculator
Gasoline Powered Exercise Bike
Gasoline Powered Hearing Aid
Glow-in-the-dark India Ink
Glow-in-the-dark Soap
Glow-in-the-dark Sundial
Glow-in-the-dark Sunglasses
Glow-in-the-dark Suntan Lotion
Hair Dryer, Underwater
Hair Dryer, Weatherproof
Hand Powered Chainsaw
Heated Refrigerator
Heavy Duty Bath Soap with Bleach
Helium Paperweights
Humane Ant Traps and Roach Motels
Humane fish hooks
Humane Torture Racks
Ice skate sandals
Imitation Cubic Zirconia
Imitation Puppets
Impact-Triggered Parachute
Inflatable Anchor
Inflatable Dart board for Camping
Insoluble Suppositories
Instant Dry Dry-Skin lotion
Left-handed Bacon Stretcher.
Lighter powered Car Battery Charger
Liver flavored Lollipops
Low Salt Brine
Low-calorie Power Bar
Matte finish floor wax
Mesh Condom
Mesh Umbrella
Monitor-wristrest computer combo
Motorcycle Air Bag
Motorcycle Air Conditioner
Motorcycle Ashtrays
Motorcycle Cup Holders
Motorcycle Windshield Wipers
Motorcycle Seat Belts
Nintendo Monitors, Printers
No-fault earthquake insurance
No grit sandpaper
Non-Alcoholic Everclear
Non-drip cooking oil
Non-toxic Chemical Weapons
Nuclear Powered Radiation Detector
One way round trip tickets
Open-tipped condoms
Polite Car Alarm (that reads Miranda rights in English)
Pollution-free detergent
Portable Dishwasher
Precision zero volt reference
Press-On Nail Top computer (Intel(TM) Inside!)
Radar Detector for Runners/Joggers
Remote Controlled Exercise Bike
Remote Controlled Remote Control
Re-usable tampon (yuck!)
Screen Doors for Airplanes
Screen Doors for Space Shuttle
Screen Doors for Submarines
Second-hand fireworks.
See-through Blinds
See-through yashmaks.
Serial bus hard drive
Shopping Carts for Homeless
Silly Putty!
Snow Tires for Bicycle
Solar Powered Flashlight
Solar Powered Pacemaker
Solar Powered Tanning Bed
Solar Powered Torch (no batteries)
Soundproof Speakers
Steel-Belted Radial rubber bands
Strap-on portable chairs
Sugar Coated Toothpaste
Superconducting insulator
Super-glue Post-it Notes
Toasted Popsicles
Toupee/Wig with a chinstrap
Training Wheels for Sports Cars
Unbreakable Pinata
Umbrellas with Sun Roofs
Unscented Perfume
Velvet Raincoats
Virtual reality bathing/showering
Virtual reality fishing
Water: freeze-dried, instant, diet
Waterproof Powder
Waterproof Sponge
Waterproof Tampons
Waterproof Tea Bags
Waterproof Toilet Paper
Waterproof Towel
Wax Flowers for Outdoor use
Windscreen-wiper warning light
Wind-up radio or tv
World's Largest Microchip
XL bicycle clips, for cycling in shorts