Medieval Pick Up Lines
- I have the key to your chastity belt and you have the key to my heart.
- Can I hose down your doublet?
- Your eyes are as dark as a castle moat by midnight. Lower your drawbridge and let me cross.
- You should be glad I'm not a Viking. You would have been ravaged and plundered by now.
- What's a nice maiden like you doing in a dungeon like this?
- Come up and see my scrolls.
- You can scale my battlements any day, madam.
- You scratch my boils and I'll scratch yours.
- They don't call me Lance-A-Lot for nothing, you know.
- My that's a fine set of chalices you have there.
- Ssh, I don't want everyone to know I'm on a secret holy quest.
- When the Inquisition put me on the rack, my limbs weren't the only thing they stretched.
- That's a nice chastity belt you're wearing. My blacksmith friends and I can help you out of it.
- Honest, milady, it will help clear up the pox marks.
- Is that a knife in your armor? Or are you just happy to see me?
- Hey baby, King Arthur isn't the only one with a big round thing. How 'bout coming up and waxing mine?
- Looks like my dragon has finally found a nice cave to rest in.
- Hey, Princess, you wouldn't happen to know where a lonely knight could scabbard his sword, would you?
- It's not the size of your sword but what you can do with it.
- Been there, slain that.
- Your hovel or mine?
- Pestilence makes the heart go wander.
- How'd you like to ride my stallion? He's well trained for battle!
- Pardon me, madam, but wouldeth thou like to see my longsword in action?
- Every second of every our of every day is like a thousand knives of fire stabbing me in the heart. I long for thee incessantly, so much that mine sorrow seems without surcease. My alliteration is small comfort next to the warm gaze of thine azure eyes. I carve the comfort of thine embrace like some lost child cold and alone in the dark....So, you wanna !@£$%
- You wanna go upstairs and see my Holy Grail?
- I like the cut of your jib.
- My goat bite is no longer infected, so would you like to dance?
- If I were that horse, I'd rather you mounted me without the saddle.
- How about going out with a guy who doesn't have the plague for a change?
- Wizard: You know, my hat isn't the only thing that's pointed.
- Mlle. Darc, thy breastplate is wondrous! Wouldst thou hold my polearm whilst I attempt to light thy fire?
- Do you practice safe hex?
- You look like a maiden in distress, why don't I save you?
- Oh yea baby- black plague, leprosy, or scarlet fever- honey, I've got the cure for you.
- You is know that chastity belt of yours would look great on my sleeping chambers floor.
- I had to swim the moat to get to you fair maiden. So, would you like to see my breaststroke?
- I bet you would look nice in some maternity armor.
- Wench: what's that sound? Knight: that's just the sound of my chain mail drawers expanding.
- You hit on me harder than the black plague!
- Why storm the castle when we can make our own?
- The first time I saw thee, I felt as if my stomach had been raided by beautiful fire breathing dragons. Uh..in a nice way of course.
- Excuse me, Milady, would you have a place where I may sheath my longsword?
- Why don't we go back to my place and re-enact "The Miller's Tale?"
- You won't believe this but St. George just appeared to me in a vision and told me that I must bed you...the fate of England depends is on it!!
- Ever see a passion play? Would you like to?
- I most certainly am King in bed! Shall I prove it to you?
- So...been to any good hangings lately?
- Don't worry . . . if you kiss me, I won't turn into a frog.
- "Why, I once speared 10 of them with a single thrust."
- Don't believe the rumors you heard about me . . . the Bubonic plague didn't affect the important parts.
- Like a mare, I can be ridden for hours.
- They say a knight is always as hard as his armor.
- I hath done combat with many a beast, but I must confess that was the tightest situation I have ever been in.
- How, you ask, did I get up here to your balcony? Well, I espied you from yonder garden. In an instant my er, heart was swelled with lus.. er, love. I had to meet you! So I ranneth over but tripped on a stone thusly pole-vaulting into your arms.
- If the stars in the sky were as beautiful as the eyes on thee, then they'd be really pretty.
- Milady you can ride my horse. I must tell you, he's a wild one!
- Would thoust be interested in viewing mine buttshaft?
- If quietus you make, I'll bare my bodkin for you.
- C'mon, sweetie...Didn't your mother ever tell you? A cleric a day keeps the black plague away.
- I'd rather be beheaded than be denied a date with you.
- Sword fighting is like everything else : it's all in your thrust.
- I lost my leg in battle. Guess what I'm walking on!
- Yes, fair maiden, I am indeed a wizard. Shall I make your clothes disappear?
- I'm really a prince cursed by an evil witch. Tell me, do you have sex with frogs?
- No, I'm actually a wizard. Want to see my crystal balls?
- Darling, these Trojans are rather painful...We may need some oil for this armor
- I might have lost most of my limbs in battle but I've still got one left.
- You look like a maiden in distress, why don't I save you?
- Hey, baby, wanna chain my mail?
- My! But you are a beautiful damsel in distress! Allow me to help you out of it.
- What a fine gown you wear, my lady. Perchance couldst I talk you out of it?
- I seem to have lost my sex slave, can I borrow you for a bit?
- You know, I was once imprisoned in a tower very much like Rapunzel. Only it wasn't my hair that the queen asked me to let down.
- A day just wouldn't be complete without a Knight.
- Milady, I'll be your night in shining armor.
- How about coming around the back and giving me a good reason to come back from the crusades?
- You know... I got my armor in Extra-Large just so I could fit the both of us in here. What do you say?
- The inquisitor: So, witch...up to you. Either you burn at the stake...or I use my stake to make you burn.
- I may not be a priest, but I can get you to heaven, m'lady
- I joust love you, baby!
- Hey, milady,if you think that horse is gifted...
- What say ye we have our own Norman conquest, lass?
- Come up to my chamber and I'll show you the largest treasure in the land.
- And you thought the Romans had the only impressive aqueducts.
- Milady, I heard that you were a chirogeon, I have something you can drain.
- You can place your greeves under my pallet anytime.
- Paint on your shield "Smile if you want to sleep with me" and watch the wenches try to keep straight faces.
- Hey, big boy, how would you like to help this maiden out of dis-dress?
- Wanna polish my pike?
- Ello, milady, thou art under siege. I shall scale thy battlements with mine grappling hook!
- The word of the day is legs. Lets go back to my place and spread the word.
- Your beauty has scorched a hole into my heart as fast as a dragon in the mote.
- My Lady, dost thou possess a looking glass in thine bodice? For I may surely see myself within their folds.
- Has anyone ever told you that you have a lovely wimple?
- I am beset by this dragon in my loins, Dear Lady, and only you can quench its fire!
- Oh, my sweet Knight! For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me.
- A world without day is gloomy indeed, but a world without Knight would be pure misery.
- Milady, it's not the size of the wand that matters, but the magic within.