| Socialism | You have two cows. Give one to your neighbour. |
| Communism | You have two cows. Give both to the government. The government gives you milk. |
| Capitalism | You sell one cow and buy a bull. |
| Facism | You have two cows. Give milk to the government. The government sells it. |
| Nazism | The government shoots you and takes the cows. |
| New Dealism | The government shoots one cow, milks the other, and pours the milk down the sink. |
| Anarchism | Keep the cows. Steal another one. Shoot the government. |
| Conservatism | Freeze the milk. Embalm the cows. |
| Liberalism | Give away one cow. Get the government to give you a new cow. Now give them both away. |