The Scientists' Ball
The Royal Society recently invited several eminent scientists to a Summer Ball. The following is a summary of some of the comments contained in their replies.
- Lambert hoped there would be plenty of beer.
- Nicol hoped not to drink too much or he'd be seeing double.
- Fermi declared it a good idea and thought they'd make a pile.
- Aufbau and Pauli said they weren't coming on principle.
- In any case Pauli said it was too exclusive.
- Le Chatelier opposed the idea on principle.
- Bohr was pleased to join such an eminent circle.
- Schiff thought the whole idea very base.
- Lewis made some very acid comments.
- Lowry and Bronsted looked forward to finding a pair to conjugate with.
- Werner didn't understand the invitation, it was too complex for him.
- Sidgewick and Powell weren't in shape for it and thought they'd be a lone pair.
- Heisenberg wanted to go but was uncertain if he could.
- Schrodinger waived the invitation.
- de Broglie was in two minds about it. So was Jung, but for different reasons.
- Joseph Mendel wanted to know was it OK to come in his jeans.
- Newton didn't appreciate the gravity of the situation.
- Hund said he'd take a partner only if there was no other choice.
- Lyman wondered was it the first of a series.
- Pfund thought it was in the right bracket as he had lots of passion.
- Einstein said he'd definitely be there but would be relatively late.
- Pasteur would come now that he'd resolved his problems.
- Seeborg would need someone to look after his katz.
- Doebereiner was having a 'menage a trois'.
- Geiger responded immediately. You can always count on him!
- Hofmann was happy to go provided his degradation wasn't too public.
- Arrhenius said he'd get over if he could find the energy.
- Grahams response was very diffuse.
- Nobel thought it would go with a bang and hoped there would be some prizes.
- Oppenheimer was sure it would go like a bomb.
- Darwin thought it was a creative idea and hoped it would evolve.
- Avogadro declined because he had a number of other invitations.
- Mulliken charged at the invitation.
- Kekule said he'd ring back.
- Kelvin gave a very cool response.
- Chadwicks response was quite neutral.
- Dalton was quite partial to the idea.
- Rutherford was able to come but would have to split early.
- Crick replied to the wrong address. He'd got into a right twist.
- Aston said that if there was any trouble he could sort out the heavies.
- Fischer thought it was a sweet idea.
- Mendeleyev was in his element but thought it might be a bad time of the month for his wife to come.
- Archimedes had better things to do.
- Babbage had a car problem: couldn't work out what was wrong with the engine.
- Kreb, Born and Haber wanted to cycle there.
- Haber wanted his invitation processed.
- Andrews, salt of the Earth, hoped there was liver on the menu.
- Fahrenheit couldn't make it - he had a temperature!
- Napier missed it, he was cutting logs.
- Bunsen had a burning desire to bring an old flame.
- Fourier thought the band a little out of harmony.
- Coulomb went free of charge.
- Torricelli said he'd be happy to come, he wasn't under much pressure.
- Curie radioed active acceptance.
- Ohm resisted the temptation.
- Correction: Ohm resisted temptation and conducted himself with dignity.
- Hooke didn't want to overstretch himself.
- Mach got booked for speeding on the way: he was doing 720 mph.
- Fraunhofer got his lines crossed.
- Everyone was waiting for Maxwell to open the wine but he'd left the corkscrew back at the house.
- Plimsoll arrived with his feet wet.
- Pythagoras wasn't invited - they thought he was too square.
- Gay-Lussac wasn't invited - they thought he was!
- Von Guericke was too busy playing with his hemispheres.
- Davy couldn't read his invitation because he'd lost his lamp.
- Joule just didn't have the energy to come.
- Watt almost made it but ran out of steam.
- Laplace wanted to transform the event.
- Ampere thought balls were against current fashion.
- Planck was too thick to understand the invitation.
- Henry just couldn't be induced to come.
- Lloyd, on reflection, decided his presence may cause interference.
- Volta realised the event had potential but was unable to make it due to piles.
- Doppler wasn't invited, he was too shifty.