TV Movie rules
How to predict the outcome of TV movies
- If a women is running away from someone she will trip and fall.
- Your car will always start immedaitely unless you are being chased by a maniacal killer or a monster of genetic creation.
- Crazed maniacs have super-human strength.
- The suburbs are exciting.
- Good guys always shoot better than bad guys.
- Good guys are always outnumbered.
- Good guys always win and get the girl.
- Good guys are always good looking.
- Ugly people are always bad guys.
- Teenagers who have sex are destined to die in grotesque ways.
- There are no ugly women, only ugly men.
- Court cases are all solved with a suprise witness.
- Good guys are the only ones who have a sense of humor.
- Cars will explode in all accidents.
- Everyone has a 'dark' secret.
- Cream pies are made to be thrown, never eaten.
- Haunted houses are never locked.
- The police are smart.
- good guys will only get shot in the arm or leg.
- All Chinese people know Karate.
- Murders will always be accompanied by sinister music.
- Rich people are unhappy.
- Teenagers are smarter than their parents.
- Indians make good cannon fodder.
- Thunderstorms spontaneously create murders.
- Computers never crash. a) Teenagers can access any computer by using their PC's. b) Computers know everything.
- When someone is dead or dying, there will be a trickle of blood from the corner of their mouth.
- No one breaks wind, except after eating beans.
- Nothing cures the blues like killing 30 ot 40 bad guys.
- Bad guys make elaborate inventions to kill the good guys, but never stick around to see if it works.
- Christmas Eve and halloween night last for three or four days.
- Movies based on true stories are made up.
- Police never wait for back-up.
- Undercover cops are too good to be spotted.
- Private detective work is glamorous.
- All baseball games will be wom with a home run in the bottom of the ninth and two outs.
- All police killings are in self-defense.
- Everyone wins in Las Vegas.
- Good guys don't take drugs.
- The world is teaming with voluptuous, young women who are desperate to have sex with pennyless young guys.
- Nobody ever has trouble finding good parking spots when they are in a hurry.
- High School students look thirty years old.
- Women never do housework, but their homes are always clean.
- Street vendor's carts are magnetically attracted to high-speed car chases.
- Everyone knows how to pick a lock with one tool.
- To kill a vampire, you must set out 5 min before sunset.
- Nobody ever realizes until the end of a monster movie, that everyone that went into that dark cellar never came out.
- The group always splits up to look for the alien.
- The last 5 minutes of any TV show will explain the entire plot.
- The last 5 minutes of any TV show will be stretched out for 20 minutes with commercials.