How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity in the Workplace
- Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
- Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
- Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.)
- Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No I'm sorry I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi."
- Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing. For example "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
- "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.
- While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive."
- Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle.
- Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you're waiting for your document.
- Arrive at a meeting late, say you're sorry, but you didn't have time for lunch, and you're going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.
- Insist that your e-mail address be "zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com"
- Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
- Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company's products. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.
- Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
- Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN."
- Determine how many cups of coffee is "too many."
- Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
- For a relaxing break, get away from it all with a mask and snorkel in the fish tank. If no one notices, take out your snorkel and see how many you can catch in your mouth.
- Send e-mail messages saying free pizza, free donuts etc... in the lunchroom, when people complain that there was none... Just lean back, pat your stomach, and say, "Oh you've got to be faster than that."
- Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.