| President Boris Yeltsin | Endless insobriety trip |
| The Conservative Party | Teacher in vast poverty |
| The Labour Party | Upbeat Harlotry |
| Scottish National Party | Oh nasty tartan politics |
| Michael Portillo | A cool limp Hitler |
| Michael Ray Dibdin Heseltine | He is the incredibly mad alien |
| Virginia Bottomley | I'm an evil Tory bigot |
| Tony Blair, MP | Tony Blair PM |
| Tony Blair | Tory in Lab. |
| Margaret Hilda Thatcher | High-tech Armada rattler |
| Camilla Parker Bowles | I'm Palace balls-worker |
| Bruce Forsyth's Generation Game | Embarrassing ego of the Century. |
| President William Clinton | Nice, limp, wild total sinner |
| Ronald Wilson Reagan | A long-insane Warlord |
| Acorn Computers | Crap to consumer. |
| Apple Macintosh | Laptop machines. |
| The best things in life are free. | Nail-biting refreshes the feet. |