Cold Weather

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The weather was so cold...

• a penguin was singing outside my window.
• even my soft water was hard.
• even the fire of our candles froze.
• even the polar bears were heading south.
• even the sun has icicles hanging from it.
• even the world leaders couldn't get into a heated argument.
• I had to go up and break the smoke off the chimney.
• I had to jump start my wife/husband.
• I had two feet of ice in my bed...my wife's.
• I put the meat in the freezer to defrost.
• I saw a dog stuck to a fire hydrant.
• I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets for once.
• I saw the Statue Of Liberty holding her torch up her dress.
• my false teeth chattered, and they weren't even in my mouth.
• our snowman begged us not to leave him out another night.
• the antifreeze froze.
• the cows are producing ice cream.
• when I went out, my shadow froze to the sidewalk.
• when police saw a robbery suspect, they said 'freeze' and he did.
• when we were talking, the words froze, so we had to microwave them in order to find out what the other person was saying.