Why Kirk's Better Than Picard
  1. Kirk has sex more than once a season.
  2. One Word: Hair.
  3. Kirk can beat up a Klingon bare-handed.
  4. Kirk would date Beverly Crusher -- and damn the consequences!!
  5. Kirk never drinks tea. Ever.
  6. Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser and a smirk.
  7. Kirk would personally throw Wesley off his bridge.
  8. Two words: Shoulder Roll.
  9. Kirk doesn't wear dresses when admirals arrive for lunch.
  10. Kirk would never sing to children in a crisis.
  11. Kirk can almost drive a stick shift.
  12. Kirk, almost singlehandedly, re-popualted the Earth's whale population.
  13. Kirk say "Prime Directive? What Prime Directive?"
  14. Kirk knows 20th century curses.
  15. Kirk ate little colored cubes and still remained relatively healthy.
  16. Kirk made do with obviously low performance technology.
  17. Kirk wasn't shy about taking his shirt off -- even around those pesky Yeomans.
  18. Kirk would never waste a Holodeck on something stupid like Dixon Hill.
  19. Kirk never once stood up and had to straighten his shirt.
  20. Kirk can beat a Vulcan at chess.
  21. When Kirk was Picard's age, he retired from Admiral and took to climbing rocks.
  22. When Picard was 37, he was only Captain of the lowly freighter, Stargazer. When Kirk was 37, he was Captain of the flagship Enterprise.
  23. Kirk liked a good belt of liquor every now and then.
  24. Kirk looks good with a ripped shirt.
  25. If Kirk ever met a Ferengi, he would rip off its head and spit down its neck.
  26. Kirk says "Shoot first and wait for retaliation."
  27. Kirk's first officer NEVER tells him to stay on the bridge.
  28. Kirk never leaves the room to bawl somebody out.
  29. Kirk doesn't rely on the wisdom of some dumb old janitor to get him out of intergalacic scrapes.
  30. Two words: Funky Sideburns.
  31. Kirk never asks his bartender for advice.
  32. Kirk never once said "Abandon ship! All hands abandon ship!"
  33. Kirk is not politically correct.
  34. Kirk never got "dumped" by a woman for an intergalactic busy body named after a letter in the alphabet.
  35. Kirk never wore green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood Forest.
  36. Ever hear of a bar shooter called "Make it so?" No? How about a "Beam me up Scotty" then? See the difference?
  37. One Word: Miniskirts.
  38. Kirk's girlfriends always look good in soft light.
  39. Kirk never went anywhere without a whole bunch of guys in red shirts.
  40. Kirk's first officer didn't play some whimpy instrument like the trombone.
  41. Kirk had more dates than his first officer.
  42. Kirk is a leader, not a follower.
  43. If something doesn't speak English -- it's toast.
  44. Kirk wasn't some prissy archaeology fan.
  45. Picard's middle name isn't tough or awe-inspiring like Tiberius is.
  46. If Kirk finds a strange spinning probe, he blows it up.
  47. Picard hasen't met Joan Collins.
  48. Picard flunked his enterance exams to Starfleet.
  49. Picard hasn't fathered any children; Kirk -- probably millions.
  50. Kirk has a cool phaser -- not some pansy Braun mix-master.
  51. Kirk emphasizes his orations with pertinent hand gestures.
  52. Kirk once made a cannon out of bamboo, sulphur, potassium nitrate, charcoal, and then fired diamonds into the hearts of his enemies.
  53. Kirk is not put off by green skin.
  54. Kirk knows how to deal with peace loving hippy goofs.
  55. Kirk once fought a Greek god. And won.
  56. Kirk barely asks for suggestions. And if he does, he asks Spock only.
  57. Kirk doesn't let the doctor tell him what to do.
  58. One Word: Fisticuffs.
  59. Kirk's name is hated throughtout the galaxy.
  60. Kirk appreciates Shakespeare, but he doesn't let it show.
  61. You can never lock up Kirk for very long.
  62. Kirk's eulogies can actually make you cry.
  63. Kirk plays god with lesser cultures, and then exploits them for resources.
  64. Kirk's son would never drop out to become a musician.
  65. Kirk can climb up a Jeffries Tube and fix anything.
  66. Kirk never hired an engineer with punk glasses.
  67. The Klingons didn't have a word for surrender -- until they met Kirk.
  68. Kirk's bridge isn't beige.
  69. Picard likes wimpy violin music -- and coerces Data into playing it.
  70. Picard allows cats on board, while Kirk beams away even really cute things, like Tribbles.
  71. Kirk would never touch SYNTHAHOL.
  72. Kirk looks distinguished in reading glasses -- and nobody dares to call him "four eyes."
  73. Kirk can infiltrate Gangsters, Nazis, and even the Pentagon -- easily.
  74. Picard likes painting nudes, for art's sake.
  75. When Kirk doesn't trust the Romulans, he fires at them. When Picard doesn't trust the Romulans, he gets fired at.
  76. Kirk never gets his command codes locked out by some pimply acting ensign.
  77. Kirk doesn't test the engines -- he just fires them up.
  78. When Kirk says "Boldly Go," he means it.
  79. Three Words: Flying Leg Kick.
  80. Picard's crew would never ever think of him as a sexual object.
  81. Kirk traveled through The Great Barrier, met God, and wasn't even impressed.
  82. Kirk's bedroom is a passion pit with electric sheets.
  83. Kirk would never let his Chief of Security wear a ponytail.