Aphorisms
- Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
- The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
- Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
- One good turn gets most of the blankets.
- There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.
- An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
- If quitters never win, and winners never cheat, then who is the fool who said "Quit while you're ahead"?
- A closed mouth gathers no feet.
- Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
- It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
- Jury -- Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
- Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
- Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.
- If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
- Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring wedding ring suffering
- When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
- Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
- The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
- Cosmetics: A woman's means for keeping a man from reading between the lines.
- Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.
- When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
- I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
- Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
- I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months -- I don't like to interrupt her.
- A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.