Murphy's, and other, Laws
- Murphy's First Law: Nothing is as easy as it looks.
- Murphy's Second Law: Everything takes longer than you think.
- Murphy's Third Law: Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.
- Murphy's Fourth Law: If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
- Murphy's Fifth Law: If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
- Murphy's Sixth Law: If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
- Murphy's Seventh Law: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. Farnsdick's corollary: After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.
- Murphy's Eight Law: If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
- Murphy's Ninth Law: Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
- Murphy's Tenth Law: Mother Nature is a bitch.
- Murphy's Eleventh Law: It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so ingenious.
- A 300 dollar picture tube will protect a 10 cent fuse by blowing first.
- A President of a democracy is a man who is always ready, willing, and able to lay down your life for his country.
- A backscratcher will always find new itches; a brown-noser will always find new sense.
- A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work.
- A bureaucracy is like a septic tank, all the really big shits float to the top.
- A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.
- A bird in the hand is always safer than one overhead.
- A bird in the hand is dead.
- A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
- A boss with no humor is like a job that is no fun.
- A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.
- A closed mouth gathers no foot.
- A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
- A committee is twelve men doing the work of one.
- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
- A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually.
- A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time.
- A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who has never learned to walk.
- A consultant is an ordinary person a long way from home.
- A coup that is known in advance is a coup that does not take place.
- A couple of months in the lab can often save a couple of hours in the library.
- A crisis is when you cannot say "let's just forget the whole thing."
- A day without sunshine is like night.
- A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
- A disagreeable task is its own reward.
- A donkey is a horse designed by a study team.
- A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.
- A flying particle will seek the nearest eye.
- A fool and his money are soon elected.
- A fool and his money stabilize the economy.
- A free agent is anything but.
- A friend in need is a pest indeed.
- A geophysicist is not drunk as long as he can hang onto a single blade of grass and not fall off the face of the earth.
- A good scapegoat is hard to find.
- A good slogan can stop analysis for fifty years.
- A good solution can be successfully applied to almost any problem.
- A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
- A little ambiguity never hurt anyone.
- A little humility is arrogance.
- A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation.
- A little ignorance can go a long way.
- A man of quality does not fear a woman seeking equality.
- A man should be greater than some of his parts.
- A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.
- A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the pants.
- A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to put in his mouth.
- A penny saved has not been spent.
- A penny saved is an economic breakthrough.
- A penny saved is ridiculous.
- A problem cannot be solved using the same level of thinking that created it. (In other words, if you screw it up, you can't fix it.)
- A real person has two reasons for doing anything...a good reason and the real reason.
- A short cut is the longest distance between two points.
- A short line outside a building becomes a long line inside.
- A stagnant science is at a standstill.
- A theory is better than its explanation.
- A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
- A well-adjusted person is one who makes the same mistake twice without getting nervous.
- Ability is a good thing but stability is even better.
- Ability is like a check, it has no value unless it is cashed.
- Absolutum obsoletum. (If it works, it is out of date.)
- According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
- According to the official figures, 43% of all statistics are totally worthless.
- Adding manpower to a late software product makes it later.
- After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
- After any unit has been completely assembled, extra components will be found on the bench.
- Afternoon: that part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.
- Aiming for the least common denominator sometimes causes division by zero.
- All American cars are basically Chevrolets.
- All general statements are false; think about it.
- All generalizations are false, including this one.
- All generalizations are useless, including this one.
- All good things must come to an end, I just want to know when they start!
- All great discoveries are made by mistake.
- All I ask is the chance to prove that money cannot make me happy.
- All inanimate objects can move just enough to get in your way.
- All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them.
- All probabilities are really 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won't.
- All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
- All syllogisms have three parts; therefore this is not a syllogism.
- All the world is a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
- All things being equal, all things are never equal.
- All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
- All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
- All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.
- All work and no play, will make you a manager.
- Almost everything in life is easier to get into than to get out of.
- Always hire a rich attorney.
- Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out.
- Always listen to experts. They'll tell what can't be done and why. Then do it.
- Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn!
- Always try to stop talking before people stop listening.
- Am I good at delegating? You Bet! I always find someone to blame!
- Ambiguity is invariant.
- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
- An executive will always return to work from lunch early if no one takes him.
- An error in the premise will appear in the conclusion.
- An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
- An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.
- An original idea can never emerge from committee in its original form.
- An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
- An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure.
- An ounce of rejection is worse than a pound of "sure".
- Any argument carried far enough will end up in semantics.
- Any change looks terrible at first.
- Any error in any calculation will be in the direction of the most harm.
- Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
- Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
- Any good strategy will seem ridiculous by the time it is implemented.
- Any horizontal surface is soon piled up.
- Any improbable event which would create maximum confusion.
- Any issue worth debating is worth avoiding altogether.
- Any landing you can walk away from is a good one.
- Any line, however short, is still too long.
- Any minimum criteria set will be the maximum value used.
- Any producing entity is the last to use its own product.
- Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
- Any smoothly functioning technology is indistinguishable from a "rigged" demo.
- Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
- Any task worth doing was worth doing yesterday.
- Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.
- Any theory can be made to fit any facts by means of appropriate additional assumptions.
- Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
- Any time you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults is proportional to the number of viewers.
- Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact center.
- Any wire cut to length will be too short.
- Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
- Anyone can admit they were wrong; the true test is admitting it to someone else.
- Anyone who is popular is bound to be disliked.
- Anyone who makes an absolute statement is a fool.
- Anything created must necessarily be inferior to the essence of the creator.
- Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
- Anything hit with a big enough hammer will fall apart.
- Anything in parentheses can be ignored.
- Anything is easier to take apart than to put together.
- Anything is possible, but nothing is easy.
- Anything labeled "New" and/or "Improved" isn't. The label means the price went up. The label "All New", "Completely New", or "Great New" means the price went way up.
- Anything that doesn't eat you today is saving you for tomorrow.
- Anything that is designed to do more than one thing cannot do any of them well.
- Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought.
- Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
- Appearances are not everything; it just looks like they are.
- Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
- As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
- As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airline encounters turbulence.
- As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
- As they say in Beirut, Shiite happens.
- Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.
- Assumption is the mother of all foul-ups.
- At any level of traffic, any delay is intolerable.
- Automatic simply means that you can't repair it yourself.
- Bad news drives good news out of the media.
- Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upward from the floor.
- Batman is the hero any of us could be, given determination, exercise, and deep psychological trauma.
- Be content with what you've got, but be sure you've got plenty.
- Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes clear to the bone.
- Before you give a colleague a piece of your mind, be sure you can spare it.
- Being a good communicator means people find out what is really wrong with you.
- Believing is seeing.
- Better latent than never.
- Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.
- Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose.
- Beware of altruism. It is based on self-deception, the root of all evil.
- Beware of one who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds themself no wiser than before. They are full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way.
- Beware of those wearing suspenders with belts.
- Beware the fury of a patient man.
- Beware the man of one book.
- Beware the wrath of a patient person.
- Blessed are those who go around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.
- Blessed is he who expects no gratitude, for he shall not be disappointed.
- Blessed is he who has reached the point of no return and knows it for he shall enjoy living.
- Boldly going forward because we cannot find reverse.
- Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
- Build something foolproof and every fool will use it.
- Bureaucracy: a method for transforming energy into solid waste.
- By the time you can make ends meet, they've moved the ends.
- By the time you have the right answers, no one is asking you questions.
- By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to work twelve hours a day.
- Cant produces countercant.
- Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
- Chipped dishes never break.
- Clearly stated instructions will consistently produce multiple interpretations.
- Cocaine is nature's way of telling you you have too much money.
- Commit suicide. A hundred thousand lemmings cannot be wrong.
- Common sense is not so common.
- Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough.
- Communication with the dead is only a little more difficult than communication with xxxxx
- Competition brings out the best in products and the worst in people.
- Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong answers.
- Confession is good for the soul, but bad for the career.
- Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
- Confusion creates jobs.
- Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.
- Conscious is being aware of something; conscience is wishing you weren't.
- Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
- Cop-out number 1. You should have seen it when I got it.
- Create a need and fill it.
- Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
- Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you're doing.
- Creditors have better memories than debtors.
- Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
- Dare to be average.
- Defeat is worse than death because you have to live with defeat.
- Definition of an elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.
- Democracy is that form of government where everybody gets what the majority deserves.
- Diplomacy is the ability to tell someone to "go to hell" in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
- Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way.
- Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you find a large enough rock.
- Do not believe in miracles, rely on them.
- Do someone a favor and it becomes your job.
- Do whatever your enemies do not want you to do.
- Doing a good job around here is like wetting your pants in a dark suit; you get a warm feeling, but nobody notices.
- Don't be irreplaceable; if you cannot be replaced, you cannot be promoted.
- Don't be so open minded that your brain falls out.
- Don't bite the hand that has your paycheck in it.
- Don't blame me; nobody asked my opinion.
- Don't do today that which can be put off till tomorrow.
- Don't force it, get a bigger hammer.
- Don't get lost in the shuffle, shuffle along with the lost.
- Don't lend people money...it gives them amnesia.
- Don't let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash.
- Don't look back, something may be gaining on you.
- Don't make your doctor your heir.
- Don't mess with Mrs. Murphy!
- Don't permit yourself to get between a dog and a lamppost.
- Don't stop to stomp on ants when the elephants are stampeding.
- Don't try to have the last word; you might get it.
- Don't worry about the sand in the Vaseline, they don't use it anyway.
- Due to recent budget cuts and downsizing, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
- Each problem solved introduces a new unsolved problem.
- Eagles may soar, free and proud, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
- Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy and wealthy and dead.
- Easiest way to figure the cost of living: take your income and add ten percent.
- Eat the rich. The poor are tough and stringy.
- Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness.
- Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average.
- Enough research will tend to support your theory.
- Entropy has us outnumbered.
- Error is often more earnest than truth.
- Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
- Even if the grass is greener on the other side: they, like you, still have to cut it.
- Even paranoids have enemies.
- Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
- Every solution breeds new problems.
- Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
- Everybody should believe in something, I believe I'll have another beer.
- Everybody's gotta be someplace.
- Everyone breaks more than the seven-year-bad-luck allotment to cover rotten luck throughout an entire lifetime.
- Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
- Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
- Everyone hits a brick wall now and then; the trick is not to do it with your head.
- Everything east of the San Andreas fault will eventually plunge into the Atlantic Ocean.
- Everything happens at the same time with nothing in between.
- Everything in moderation, including moderation.