Things that make you go Hmmmmmm
- Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
- I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
- I intend to live forever - so far, so good
- Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have
- When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
- If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
- Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
- I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
- Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
- Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
- For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
- All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
- I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
- Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents.
- During the heat of the space race in the 1960's, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided it needed a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of about $241 million U.S. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on Earth. The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.
- The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks,"Do you want chips with that?"
- I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
- The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words, there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence, but government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words.
- If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.