Parental Observations

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• A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning.
• A child will not spill on a dirty floor.
• A young child is a noise with dirt on it.
• A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world have nothing to do with tires.
• An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
• Avenge yourself; live long enough to be a problem to your children.
• Be nice to your kids, for it is they who will choose your nursing home.
• Celibacy is not hereditary.
• Familiarity breeds children.
• For adult education, nothing beats children.
• God invented mothers because he couldn't be everywhere at once.
• God invented guilt so mothers could be everywhere at once.
• Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
• Having children will turn you into your parents.
• If a child looks like his father, that's heredity; if he looks like a neighbor, that's environment.
• If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
• Ill-bred children always display their pest manners.
• Insanity is inherited; you get it from your kids.
• It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.
• It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they'll know as little as their parents.
• Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
• Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
• One child is often not enough, but two children can be far too many.
• You can learn many things from children... like how much patience you have.
• Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid.
• The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.
• There are three ways to get things done: 1) do it yourself 2) hire someone to do it 3) forbid your kids to do it
• There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
• Those who say they "sleep like a baby" haven't got one.
• The best thing to spend on your children is time.