Aphorisms
- Kindness is the golden chain by which society is bound together
- If you live by the calendar, your days are numbered
- Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.
- You are never too old to learn and never too young to know it .
- A hangover is something to occupy a head that wasn't used the night before.
- It's amazing how generous many people think they are because they give free advice.
- The things most people want to know about are usually none of their business.
- There's no one so wise as the person who says nothing at the right time.
- A well-balanced diet includes an occasional helping of crow.
- Nobody has ever come up with a good substitue for friendship.
- Watch your pennies -- Clinton will take care of your dollars.
- Most problems are all in your mind -- unfortunately payng taxes isn't one of them.
- In the final analysis, all of us will be judged by the amount of happiness we have brought to others.
- Q: What's the difference between results and consequences? A: Results are what you expect and consequences are what you get.
- A new idea has all the power of a slingshot -- the more you stretch it the farther its impact will be.
- People who aren't afraid to face the music may someday lead the band.
- What melts in the mouth bulges in the mirror.
- We can choose to growl, scowl and criticize; or enjoy, employ and harmonize.
- Delays, disappointments and defeats cause quitters to give up in resignation; losers, to give in to frustration; winners, to come through with determination
- Winners watch for opportunities; losers wait for lucky breaks
- A grouch is a guy who has himself sized up and is sore about it.
- Marriage rites .... It's the same all across the nation, First comes the altar then the altercation.
- A man can fall many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else.
- Anyone who's all wrapped up in himself is overdressed.
- Every idea has its doubters, every accomplishment its critics.
- Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.
- If you have half a mind to do something, perhaps it would be wise to check with the other half before acting.
- Father knows best, except for what mother and the kids have to say.
- A good test of willpower is to meet a friend with a black eye and not ask any question.
- Years ago people got married but they couldn't stand living together. Today people live together but they can't stand getting married.
- There is no better way to fight old age than by refusing to act the part.
- FINANCIAL THEORY: Budgets would be, Much more dependable, If money weren't, Quite so spendable.
- AN OPPORTUNIST: Any person who goes ahead and does what you always intended to do.
- FRENZIED SECRETARY: Hyper typer.
- Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.
- I'm starting a diet tomorrow. I'm no longer going to be my blubber's keeper.
- Our faith can make us larger than our losses, greater than our griefs, stronger than our struggles, and more powerful than our problems.
- Envy eats nothing but its own heart.
- The worst thing about fishing is when you don't catch any and you can't blame a computer.
- ROLL CALL: Bakers's Inventory.
- WHAT A DEAL: She took a poker player, For her spouse. In just three years, They have a full house!
- A compliment, like a good perfume, should be pleasing but not overpowering.
- Happiness is receiving a perfect fit from my mail-order catalog.
- Don't wait until you feel better to do good' do good and you'll begin to feel better.
- Receptionist's job: Howdy duty.
- Only marry someone you can imagine talking to over the breakfast table for the next 50 years.
- An altar is a place where a bachelor loses control of himself.
- The wise know that the best way to get even is to get ahead.
- You cannot lead any further than you have gone yourself.
- The people who turn out best are those people who make the best out of the way things turn out.
- FAMILY DOCTOR: One who treats yours while you support his.
- Giant oak trees started out as little nuts that stood their ground.
- The greater danger for most of us is not taht our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.
- Doers get to the top of the oak tree by climbing it. Dreamers sit on the acorn.
- In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these.
- Seen on the wall in Davie Johnson's office:" We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As manager, I just can't figure out where else to play."
- When Mark Rothan's daughter Katie was complaining about personal hygiene by making the statement, "Flossing sure is a pain in the rear." Mark responded, "Then you're definitely not doing it right."
- "Daddy," his daughter asked him,"do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'?" "No, Michelle," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.' "
- Silence is not only golden; it's seldom misquoted.
- You may be sorry that you spoke, sorry you stayed or went, sorry you won or lost, sorry so much was spent. But as you go through life, you'll find - you're never sorry you were kind.
- Noisy as a nickel in the dryer.
- Being slow to pick up the check is an art with some; you really have to hand it to them.
- Old plumbers never die; they just go to the minor leaks
- Old baggage handlers never die; they just lose their grips
- Old fasion designers never die; they just fad away
- Old card layers never die; they just shuffle off
- Old florists never die; they make other arrangements
- Old psychologists never die; they're forevery Jung
- There is always hope when people are forced to listen to both sides.
- Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
- Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
- KNOW YOURSELF. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
- Every artist was first an amateur.
- You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.