Everything I need to know I learned in Corporate America

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• Indecision is the key to flexibility.
• You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
• There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
• Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
• Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
• Sometimes too much to drink is not enough.
• The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
• The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
• Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
• Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.
• Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
• Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
• Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
• I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
• Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
• If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
• (too offensive to include)
• If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
• One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
• By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends.
• Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
• The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
• There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
• This is as bad as it can get, but don't count on it.
• Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
• The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize it's a do-it-yourself thing.
• Youth and skill are no match for experience and treachery.
• No amount of advance planning will ever replace dumb luck.
• Anything you do can get you fired; this includes doing nothing.
• Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it.
• Never pass a snow plow on the right.