Real Estate Terms
- Unusual location - In the path of a projected motorway.
- Local authority grants available - About to be condemned.
- Period residence - Built in the last two years.
- Select neighborhood - Beside sewage works.
- Compact - Tiny.
- Country gentleman's residence - no longer suitable for agricultural tenants.
- Unusual features - No roof.
- Delightful rural location - In flight path of nuclear bomber base.
- Box room - Suitable for accommodating one or two large cardboard boxe's, Folded.
- A wealth of period features - Your self, dry rot, rising damp and an electrical circuit best operated in rubber gloves and wellies.
- Quite,secluded setting - On site of proposed dormitory town.
- Well situated - In full view of the neighbors.
- Within easy distance of - Next door to a pub and opposite a sex shop local amenities.
- Rare opportunity to buy - No one else wants it.
- For the gardening enthusiast - Grounds like a jungle.
- Extensively modernized - Former DIY owner had a breakdown under the strain.
- Unspoilt - Planning permission granted for field next door.
- Deceptive appearance - It looks terrible.
- Partial central heating - The room above the boiler can get warm in summer.
- Easily maintained - Requires at least two gardeners and live-in maid.
- Useful outbuildings - No inside toilet.
- Much sought after - It's been on the market at least twice before and still no one wants it.
- By private treaty - If it went to auction it would never reach the reserve price.
- Owner eager to sell - If it goes within a week the subsidence cracks won't be noticed.
- Subject to new instructions - They have just discovered death watch beetle.
- Sold - Unless idiots like you offer a higher price.