Business Terms
- A CONSULTANT - Any ordinary guy with a briefcase more than 50 miles from home.
- AN EXPERT - A person who avoids all small errors as he sweeps toward the grand fallacy
- A STATISTICIAN - One who draws a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion.
- A COLLEAGUE - Someone called in at the last minuteto share the blame.
- A RELIABLE SOURCE - The guy you just met.
- AN INFORMED SOURCE - The guy who told the guy you just met.
- AN UNIMPEACHABLE SOURCE - The guy who started the rumor orginally.
- A MEETING - A mass mulling of master-minds.
- A CONFERENCE - A place where conversation is substitued for the dreariness of labor and the lonliness of thought.
- A PROGRAM - Any assignment that can't be completed by one telephone call.
- CHANNELS - The guy who has a desk between two expeditors.
- TO ACTIVATE - To make copies and add more names to the memo.
- TO EXPIDITE - To confound confusion with commotion.
- TO IMPLEMENT A PROGRAM - Hire more people and expand the office.
- TO RESEARCH - Go looking for the jerk who moved the files.
- TO GIVE SOMEONE THE PICTURE - To present a long,confused and inaccuate statement to a newcomer.
- TO CLARIFY - To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.
- IT IS IN PROCESS - So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.
- WE WILL LOOK INTO IT - By the time the wheel makes a full turn, we assume you will have forgotton about it.
- WILL ADVISE YOU IN DUE COURSE - If we figure it out, we'll let you know.
- WE ARE AWARE OF IT - We had hoped that the fool who started it would have forgotton about it by this time.
- IT'S UNDER CONSTRUCTION - Never heard of it.
- UNDER ACTIVE CONSTRUCTION - We are looking in the files for it.
- WE ARE MAKING A SURVEY - We need more time to think of an answer.
- LET'S GET TOGETHER IN THIS - I'm assuming you're as confused as I am.
- PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL - Let's spread the responsibility for this.
- GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR PRESENT THINKING - We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere witj whatwe have already decided to do.
- GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION - You warped opinion will be pitted against your adversary's good sense.
- SEE ME - Come down to my office, I'm lonesome.