Laws
- LIEBERMAN'S LAW - Everybody lies; but it doesn't matter, since nobody listens.
- GOVERNMENT'S LAW - There is an exception to all laws.
- ESTRIDGE'S LAW - No matter how large and standardized the marketplace is, IBM can redefine it.
- BOREN'S FIRST LAW - When in doubt, mumble.
- DILBERT'S LAWS OF WORK
- If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
- A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
- Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
- The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
- You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
- Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
- When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
- There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
- Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
- Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
- To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.
- Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
- If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
- You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
- If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
- When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
- Following the rules will not get the job done.
- When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
- No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
- The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.
- Sattinger's Law:It works better if you plug it in.
- Pierce's Law:In any computer system, the machine will always misinterpret, misconstrue, misprint, or not evaluate any math or subroutines or fail to print any output on at least the first run through.
- Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
- First Law of Relationships: If they're too good to be single, they probably aren't.
- Second Law of Relationships: Never take home someone at night that you wouldn't take home in the light.
- Why Yawning Is Contagious Theory - You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it out