Old-style physics courses consist of endless lectures where you have to get up on winter mornings (or even summer afternoons, if it comes to that). This radical new course ends the misery of tutorials taking up valuable leisure time, by being the only one in the country which guarantees you can study Physics without ever having to leave your room (except to stock up on biscuits).
The course is divided into the following modules:
Thermodynamics - Insulating properties of duvet materials.
- Heat transfer by radiation, conduction and convection.
- Radiation - the student is invited to make a piece of toast on a two bar gas fire. Particular attention is to be paid to anisotropic thermal equilibrium modes, resulting in burnt crusts yet a soggy middle.
- Conduction - Practical studies in the relative thermal conductivities of toast, flesh, metal etc.
- Convection - Students are invited to go out for a rumbustious curry the night before. Properties of warm gas convection in a confined space are then studied. Both wafted and non-wafted situations. (NB Students are advised to make colleagues aware of their personal Boundary Conditions on commencement of the experiment).
- Entropy - An understanding of how a closed system (e.g. a students room) tends towards chaos is assumed. Practical experiments include the irreversible conversion of orthogonal unit packet of cigarettes into smoke, ash, crumpled paper, phlegm, lung cancer etc etc.
Electricity and Magnetism - Magnetic properties of the Electricity Meter.
- Practical experiments in stopping the little meter wheel going round, including large counter magnets on top, shear forces applied to the casing, exothermic chemical transformations etc etc.
- Practical electronics. Students must become familiar with the workings of simple electronic devices such as the Sony Walkman, Sega Megadrive, CD player. Also, a knowledge of simple circuit diagrams, such as those which show you which way round the batteries go in your Gameboy.
Acoustics - Isotropic and anisotropic properties of partition walls and conduction of sound. Practical experiments on critical levels of acoustic energy (i.e. the level of sound at which your biscuits.
Measurements & Errors - Understanding of the random process involved in a bank account balance. Reconciliation of your statement with what you think you've spent within acceptable systematic errors.
Quantum Mechanics and Relativity - All practical quantum experiments are Gedanken experiments anyway. The student is invited to have a long think about things, in bed.
- An in depth derivation of why high-energy particles are less efficient than those which stay in bed all day.
- Practical experiments may be performed with certain chemical stimulants in order to examine time dilation, length contraction, and appetite expansion. (For advanced students only. See under Roach-Rizla Theory).
At the end of the course, students are awarded a Bed.