| Energetic self-starter: | You'll be working on commission. |
| Entry level position: | We will pay you the lowest wages allowed by law. |
| Experience required: | We do not know the first thing about any of this. |
| Fast learner: | You will get no training from us. |
| Flexible work hours: | You will frequently work long overtime hours. |
| Good organizational skills: | You'll be handling the filing. |
| Make an investment in you future: | This is a franchise or a pyramid scheme. |
| Management training position: | You'll be a salesperson with a wide territory. |
| Much client contact: | You handle the phone or make "cold calls" on clients. |
| Must have reliable transportation: | You will be required to break speed limits. |
| Must be able to lift 50 pounds: | We offer no health insurance or chiropractors. |
| Opportunity of a lifetime: | You will not find a lower salary for so much work. |
| Planning and coordination: | You book the bosses travel arrangements. |
| Quick problem solver: | You will work on projects months behind schedule already. |
| Strong communication skills: | You will write tons of documentation and letters. |