Hints and tips
- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
- Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
- Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
- I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week
- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
- I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
- I intend to live forever - so far, so good
- I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
- If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
- Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
- Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States
- Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of
- Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have
- The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
- When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
- Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
- If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviouslyoverlooked something.
- Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
- Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
- When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
- Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
- I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
- How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
- Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
- For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
- Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
- Black holes are where God divided by zero.
- All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand
- The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
- Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
- Psychiatrists say that 1 out of 4 people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it.
- Nothing in the universe travels faster than a bad check.
- It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
- Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
- If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. Corollary: If you are given a take-home test, you'll forget where you live.
- The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
- It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
- Sky's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
- The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
- Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
- I just got lost in thought -- it was unfamiliar territory.
- Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
- Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
- I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
- He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
- She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.
- You have the right to remain silent...anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
- I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
- Despite the cost of living, how you noticed how it remains so popular?
- Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
- A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
- Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- On the other hand, you have different fingers.
- Change is inevitable. Except from a vending machine.