Alcohol Warnings
If the government is going to put health warning labels on beer, wine and liquor, let's at least have a little truthfulness about the matter!
- WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a garbage truck at 100 yards.
- WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
- WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
- WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in.
- WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
- WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY THINK while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party.
- WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants (panties) anyway.
- WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember).
- WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.
- WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer, and smarter than some really, really huge biker guy named "Big Al".