You Know You've Been On The Computer Too Long ...

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• If you did an error-free installation of Windows 95.
• When your modem starts smoking.
• If no one can reach you by phone since your computer is always online.
• If you log-off your system because it's time to go to work.
• If you call in sick because you found a great new WWW site.
• If you can type your top 10 favorite Web sites, by heart.
• If you can locate a particular home page without using a search engine.
• If you can write your own html page.
• If you download more than 20Mb of from a binary newsgroup, in one session.
• If while reading a magazine, you look for the Zoom icon for a better look at a photograph.
• You comment, while watching a sunset, that the image would be enhanced with 10% more magenta and a higher resolution.
• If while driving down the street, you are confused by the numbers on the houses--they do not appear to be legitimate WWW addresses.
• When someone tells you to remember something, and you look for File/Save command.
• When you discover there is no little car icon with a forward arrow on the dashboard of your car, to make it go.
• When you think the File/Kill command should apply to your system administrator.
• When you find it easier to dial-up the National Weather Service Weather/your_town/now.html than to simply look out the window.
• When you start using phrases like: Hungry.must-eat.food.now@home
• If you have a heart attack when you forgot to pay your phone bill and receive a "pending disconnection of service" notice.
• When you order most of what you buy... online.
• If your fingers quit moving because you've been online for 36 hours.
• When you find yourself engaged to someone you've never actually met; except through e-mail.
• When you log-off from a session in your favorite newsgroup... and your log reads: Online time: 56 hours 24 minutes.
• If your net provider suggests you try a competitor, because you're exceeding 300 hours a month, connect time.
• When you add your third modem and dedicated phone line.
• You access Microsoft's Web page every Sunday morning for Brother Bill's sermon.
• When that 112Gb hard drive is full.
• If 133 Mhz is simply too slow.
• When your desk collapses under the weight of your computer peripherals.
• If you have an "online" light installed on your car to tell you when the engine is running.
• When you discover that--in order to drive your car somewhere--you do not have to enter http://address or ftp://address.
• If you can actually talk to the computers in your new car--and understand what they say.
• When you modify the programming of your car's computers and actually get better mileage.
• When you can access the Net--via your portable and cellular phone.
• If on the way home from work, you use your portable and cellular phone in your car to reprogram a Tomahawk missile--in flight--and redirect it to take out the joker in the Cadillac who cut you off.
• If you try to press Alt-F4 to close your car window.
• When you put a CD-ROM in your car's player.
• When someone tells you about a great new program and you're very disappointed to find it's on TV.
• If every sentence you utter begins with, "On the Net..."
• If you put your e-mail address in the upper left-hand corner of envelopes.
• If you have your e-mail address printed on your stationary.
• When you insist on seeing the movie "The Net"--for the 63rd time.
• If magazines like "InternetWorld" are of greater interest than "Playboy" or "Playgirl."
• If you maintain more than 6 e-mail addresses.
• If you use more than 20 passwords.
• If you set up your own Web page.
• If you set up a Web page for each of your kids... and your pets.
• If, instead of a phone number, you ask someone for their e-mail address.
• If you don't know anyone who DOESN'T have an e-mail addresses.
• If, to you, 'safe sex' means doing it online.
• If you convince your mom that she HAS to get online because e-mail is so much cheaper than long distance phone charges.
• When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
• When you are counting objects, you say "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D..."
• When you dream in 16 pallettes of 256 colors.
• When your wife says, "If you don't turn off that damn machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!"--and you chastise her for for omitting the "else" clause.
• You try to sleep, and think: sleep(8 * 3600); /* sleep for 8 hours /
• When you are reading a book and look for the scroll bar to get to the next page.
• When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number ...
• When you get in the elevator and double-click the button for the floor you want.
• When you not only check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your 'Net address faster than your postal address.
• When you look for an icon to double-click to open your bedroom window.
• When you go to balance your checkbook and discover that you're doing the math in octal.
• When you need a trash can icon to throw away garbage.
• If you can relate to a list like this.
• If you can write a list like this.