How To Photograph A New Puppy
- Remove film from box and load camera.
- Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
- Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
- Choose a suitable background for photo.
- Mount camera on tripod and focus.
- Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
- Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
- Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
- Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
- Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
- Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
- Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
- Put magazines back on coffee table.
- Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
- Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
- Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"
- Call spouse to clean up mess.
- Fix a drink.
- Sit back in armchair with drink and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.