Religion and Toys
Comparison of Religious Theory in the Late 20th Century
CapitalismHe who dies with the most toys, wins.
Hari KrishnaHe who plays with the most toys, wins.
CatholicismHe who denies himself the most toys, wins.
AnglicanThey were our toys first.
Greek OrthodoxNo, they were OURS first.
Branch DavidiansHe who dies playing with the biggest toys, wins.
AtheismThere is no toy maker.
PolytheismThere are many toy makers.
EvolutionismThe toys made themselves.
Church of Christ, ScientistWe are the toys.
CommunismEveryone gets the same number of toys, and you go straight to hell if we catch you selling yours.
B'HaiAll toys are just fine with us.
AmishToys with batteries are surely a sin.
TaoismThe doll is as important as the dumptruck.
MormonismEvery boy can have as many toys as he wants.
VoodooLet me borrow that doll for a second.
HedonismTo heck with the rule book!? Let's play!
HinduismHe who plays with bags of plastic farm animals, loses.
7th Day AdventistHe who plays with his toys on Saturday, loses.
Church of ChristHe whose toys make music, loses.
BaptistOnce played, always played.
Jehovah's WitnessesHe who sells the most toys door-to-door, wins.
PentecostalismHe whose toys can talk, wins.
ExistentialismToys are a figment of your imagination.
ConfucianismOnce a toy is dipped in the water, it is no longer dry.
Non-denominationalismWe don't care where the toys came from, let's just play with them.
AgnosticismIt is not possible to know whether toys make a bit of difference.

Satiche misc061.doc 1