The Wisdom Of The Ages
- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
- People who live in glass houses shouldn't cavort nude on top of the piano doing gorilla impersonations.
- A rose by any other name would stick you just as bad and draw just as much blood when you grab a thorn.
- It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown, and fewer still to ignore someone completely.
- The best laid plans of mice and men are worth just as much.
- I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can't be blamed on somebody else.
- I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and...
- Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.
- Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.
- Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone.
- It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
- A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.
- Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.
- How much of a tip to leave in a restaurant is always a controversial question. I usually recommend half a crouton, or for special service, throw in that little sprig of parsley.
- If genius is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration, I wind up sharing elevators with a lot of bright people.
- If I won the lottery, I wouldn't be one of those people who immediately quit their jobs. I'd make my boss's life a living hell for a week or two first.
- Winning isn't everything. Winning and gloating and rubbing their noses in it... that's everything!
- I don't know about art, but I know what makes me say, "$2000 for that piece of junk?! Are you nuts?!"
- Somewhere, over the rainbow...that's where the airline will find my luggage.
- It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
- Keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the wheel... it's cheaper than plastic surgery.
- This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.