Feline Physics
- Law of Cat Inertia - A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
- Law of Cat Motion - A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
- Law of Cat Magnetism - All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
- Law of Cat Thermodynamics - Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
- Law of Cat Stretching - A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
- Law of Cat Sleeping - All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.
- Law of Cat Elongation - A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
- Law of Cat Obstruction - A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.
- Law of Dinner Table Attendance - Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
- Law of Rug Configuration - No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
- Law of Obedience Resistance - A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.
- First Law of Energy Conservation - Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
- Second Law of Energy Conservation -Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
- Law of Refrigerator Observation - If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
- Law of Electric Blanket Attraction - Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
- Law of Random Comfort Seeking - A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
- Law of Bag/Box Occupancy - All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
- Law of Cat Embarrassment - A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
- Law of Milk Consumption - A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.
- Law of Furniture Replacement - A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
- Law of Cat Landing - A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid-section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.
- Law of Fluid Displacement - A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
- Law of Cat Disinterest - A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
- Law of Pill Rejection - Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
- Law of Cat Composition - A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.