The Antidote to More Food for Thought - What I have Learned

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• It is better to be occasionally cheated than perpetually suspicious.
• Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
• There is no right way to do the wrong thing.
• Knowledge is like a garden; if it is not cultivated, it cannot be harvested.
• Needing a man is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
• If you can't be the tablecloth, don't be the dishcloth
• I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
• I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
• Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"
• I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
• Am I getting smart with you? ....How would you know?
• On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
• You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
• I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
• There are two rules for ultimate success in life: (1) Never tell everything you know.
• Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
• Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
• Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
• There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
• You'll never be the man your mother was!
• Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
• Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
• Grelb's Reminder: Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.
• God did not create the world in 7 days, God messed around for 6 days and then pulled an all-nighter.