What Men Really Mean

---

• "I'm going fishing." - Really means..."I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
• "It's a guy thing." - "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
• "Can I help with dinner?" - "Why isn't it already on the table?"
• "Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear." - Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
• "It would take too long to explain." - "I have no idea how it works.
• "We're going to be late." - "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
• "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind." - "I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra."
• "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." - "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
• "That's interesting, dear." - "Are you still talking?"
• It's a really good movie." - "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women."
• "That's women's work." - "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
• "You know how bad my memory is." - "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
• "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses." - "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
• "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." - "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
• "Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing." - "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
• "I can't find it." - "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
• "What did I do this time?" - "What did you catch me at?"
• "I heard you." - "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
• "You know I could never love anyone else." - "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
• "You look terrific." - "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
• "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." - "No one will ever see us alive again."
• "We share the housework." - "I make the messes, she cleans them up."