| PSYCHOLOGY | Girl accuses guy of just using her as a substitute for his Mother. |
| SOCIOLOGY | Each claims to have been oppressed in the relationship. |
| RELIGION | Each prays for reconcilliation and/or curses God |
| ARCHAEOLOGY | One tries to bury the past, and accuses the other of trying to dig it up. |
| THEATRE | "OH MY GOD! Life is... ENDED... as we KNOW it!" |
| BIOLOGY | "You just wanted to get in my genes!" |
| PHYSICS | Both resign themselves to the fact that what goes up must come down. |
| JOURNALISM | "Today was the end of an era. Jack, 19, and Jill, 18, called an end to their relationship of 2 weeks..." |
| WOMEN'S STUDIES | "HE did it!" |
| BUSINESS | Both decide that they're spending way too much money together, and that it's simply cheaper to be single. |
| ITALIAN | "Mama Mia!" |
| HISTORY | Each party argues the breakup was caused by something the other party did in the past. |
| GEOGRAPHY | Both people decide to simply move far away to avoid each other. |
| ANATOMY | "I never liked your body anyway." |
| ECONOMICS | One party demands more than the other can supply. |
| ENGLISH | Each writes the other a perfect breakup letter, complete with introduction, thesis, body, and conclusion, that doesn't really say anything substantively intelligible. |
| EDUCATION | Both concede that the relationship was a learning experience. |
| COMPUTING | "Man, this bytes -- we just couldn't interface" and/or "His hard drive was more like a floppy." |
| E. ENGINEER. | "It's just so shocking... I'm sure there are positives and negatives, but..." |
| ARCHITECTURE | "There just wasn't much to build on anyway..." |
| JEWISH STUDIES | "OY! You should feel so guilty!" |
| PHILOSOPHY | If 2 people break up in a dorm and there's no one to witness the breakup, are they really single? |
| ZOOLOGY | They were able to mate like banshees, but lacked sophisticated communication skills. |
| PHYS. ED. | They punch each other out in frustration. |
| CHEMISTRY | They turn to hard drugs to relieve the pain. |
| COUNSELING | Each urges the other to "get help!" |
| MUSIC | Each utilizes an operatic lament (or, in some parts, a country song) to express his or her sorrow. |
| LAW | They sue each other for breach of a pre-dating agreement. |