The Laws of Cargo Cult Science - a Tentative Compilation
You may have encountered a document which has been circulating amongst engineers and scientists for many years. It lists the laws of cartoon physics. A typical example, "Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation."
This list has been compiled as the Laws of Cargo Cult Science seem at times to be equally divorced from reality.
Footnote: Cargo Cult Science - A activity bearing a superficial resemblance to real science but whose equipment, methods and theoretical bases are completely inadequate to achieve the desired aim. Analogous to the Cargo Cults of the western Pacific whose adherents build imitation runways and radar towers in the hope of attracting the flights of cargo planes which had supplied the American Forces during the Second World War.
- The Law of the Conservation of Energy: Energy can be neither created or destroyed outside the laboratory of a pseudoscientist.
- The Special Theory of Relativity: All motion is relative to the ether. The speed of light can be exceeded by alien spacecraft. Time dilation makes journeys to other stars very quick.
- The General Theory of Relativity: The local gravitational force is a function of the local level of meditation.
- The Inverse Square Law: The intensity of radiated energy decreases as the inverse square of the distance from the source except in the case of telepathy and the experiments of Nikola Tesla.
- Kepler's Laws: The orbits of the planets are a function of what kind of day you are having.
- The Laws of Dynamics: The behavior of randomly moving objects can be controlled by the human mind. The behavior of delicately balanced static objects cannot be controlled by the human mind.
- The Randi Exclusion Principle: Experiments only give positive results when James Randi is excluded.
- The Strong Anthropic Principle: We created the universe. (This law is its own parody.)
- The Fundamental Law of Nature: Nothing is impossible.
- Scientific Proof: Scientists are always changing their theories to match reality. This proves that scientists are always wrong. Corollary: Only theories which ignore reality can be true.
- The Law of Large Numbers: Large numbers of small experiments demonstrate the existence of psi. Small numbers of large experiments do not demonstrate the existence of psi.
- The Placebo Effect: If a remedy works as well as a placebo, it should be exploited.
- Occam's Toothbrush: If postulating an unnecessary factor makes your theory sound more profound then go for it.
- The New Age Law of Science: The laws of science are whatever makes you feel good about yourself.
- The Politically Correct Law of Science: Scientific laws are completely arbitrary. They were invented by dead white males in order to subjugate women and minorities.