Rules Men Wish Women Would Learn
  1. If you think you're fat you probably are. So don't ask us.
  2. Just learn to work the toilet seat: It's very simple, if it's up, just put it down. There is no practical reason that it should be left in the position that you want it.
  3. No, don't cut you're hair. Ever.
  4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present, again!!
  5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
  6. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Learn to live with it.
  7. Don't ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as our career, the shotgun formation, the bad tee-shot we hit on #14, or Harley-Davidsons.
  8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different: it's just like every other cat.
  9. Any dog is better than any cat. Period.
  10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
  11. Shopping is not a sport.
  12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
  13. Yes, you have enough clothes and yes, you have too many shoes.
  14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it or always respond favorably.
  15. Ask for what you want, exactly. Subtle hints don't work.
  16. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark Anniversaries and Birthdays on a calendar.
  17. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from pointblank range. We are bound to miss from time to time.
  18. We survive with three or four pair of shoes. It is rediculous to ask our help choosing which pair, out of fifty, would look good with your dress?
  19. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers.
  20. Check your oil.
  21. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take any quiz together.
  22. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
  23. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
  24. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done but, not both.
  25. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
  26. Consider golf, football, or fishing a mini vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
  27. Telling us that models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainty not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
  28. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.